Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details without filler words (uh, or something). Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, and, so). Also correct small grammar issues (e.g., "it had a Disney character printed on it"). Aim for 2–4 sentences and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I did. My parents bought me a bike when I was seven, and it had a Disney character printed on it, which made it my favourite. I used it to ride to school and to visit friends, so I spent most afternoons outdoors.

提案: Clarify your main point, fix grammar, and provide a specific reason or example. Avoid hesitation markers (uh) and vague phrases (changes in Rule). Use linking words like "but" and "because" to show contrast and cause. Keep it to 2–3 clear sentences.

例: Yes, bikes have traditionally been popular in Japan, but recently fewer people ride them because new traffic regulations and heavier car usage have discouraged cycling. For example, many cities now restrict where bikes can be parked, so people prefer public transport.

× Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

No change needed. The sentence correctly uses the past tense to describe a childhood possession.

× My parents bought me a bike when I was, uh, seven years old or something.

✓ My parents bought me a bike when I was seven years old or so.

The original sentence is mostly correct in tense (past). The filler 'uh' can be removed for clarity, and 'or something' is informal; 'or so' is a more natural, concise alternative. Keep past tense 'bought' to match the time frame.

× And it was a print.

✓ And it had a print.

The verb 'was' with 'a print' sounds unnatural. Use 'had a print' to express possession/feature of the bike. This keeps past tense consistent.

× Uh, it was a Disney character's printed on a bike and that was my favorite.

✓ It had a Disney character printed on it, and that was my favorite.

The original mixes noun phrase forms and possessive incorrectly ('character's printed'). Use 'had a Disney character printed on it' to show the bike featured the character. Include the object pronoun 'it' to refer back to the bike; keep past tense 'had' and 'was'.

× I rode on a bike to go everywhere.

✓ I rode a bike everywhere.

In English, we normally say 'ride a bike' (without 'on') and place destination/adverbial after the verb: 'everywhere'. Removing 'to go' avoids redundancy because 'rode' already implies movement.

× I think bikes are popular in my country, Japan, but recently, uh, the changes in Rule has made so less people are riding on a bike right now I think.

✓ I think bikes are popular in my country, Japan, but recently changes in the rules have caused fewer people to ride bikes.

Multiple issues: 'changes in Rule' should be 'changes in the rules' (article and plural noun). 'Has made so less people' is ungrammatical: use plural verb 'have caused' to agree with plural subject 'changes', and use 'fewer' for countable 'people'. Also use the infinitive 'to ride' rather than 'are riding on a bike right now' for a clearer general statement. Remove filler 'uh' and redundant 'I think' at end. Keep present perfect 'have caused' to link recent changes to current effect.