Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is generally clear and relevant, but you should correct grammar (tense and articles), avoid slang, and make sentences concise and natural. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Also watch verb tenses (use past tense for past events) and plural agreement.

例: Yes, I did. I got a bright red bicycle from my father as a birthday present in my first year of secondary school. I used it every day to cycle to school and to hang out with friends after classes, which made it very special to me.

提案: Your answer addresses the question but is disfluent and contains grammatical errors and filler words. Remove fillers, use clear structure (topic sentence + specific reasons/examples), correct subject-verb agreement, and use linking words to connect points (for example, moreover, because). Provide one or two concrete details to support your view.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country. For example, when I was a student, almost every pupil owned a bicycle, and many parents used bikes for short trips to work or the market. Moreover, bikes are affordable and convenient for commuting in crowded urban areas.

× I received a bicycle at a birthday present from my dad in the first year of secondary school.

✓ I received a bicycle as a birthday present from my dad in my first year of secondary school.

This sentence has an issue with word choice and article/preposition use (Grammar problem types 11 and 22). 'At a birthday present' is incorrect; the correct preposition and phrase is 'as a birthday present'. Also 'in the first year of secondary school' is acceptable, but 'my first year of secondary school' sounds more natural and fits the speaker's perspective. Suggestion: use 'as' to indicate the role of the item and include 'my' for natural possession.

× It was a bright red bike and I use it every day to ride the school and hang out with my homies after school.

✓ It was a bright red bike, and I used it every day to ride to school and hang out with my friends after school.

This sentence mixes past and present tenses (Grammar problem types 6 and 5) and has incorrect verb phrase and informal vocabulary. The narrative begins in the past ('It was'), so the following verbs should also be past ('used' not 'use'). 'Ride the school' is incorrect preposition/phrase; correct is 'ride to school' (Grammar problem type 11). 'Homies' is very informal/slang; use 'friends' in a test context. Suggestion: keep tense consistent (past) and use correct preposition 'to'.

× Oh yes, apparently, umm, not too far to say, uh, during my age at that generation, like every single student have their own bike and furthermore their parent like also used bike as their trans transportation vehicle.

✓ Oh yes. During my time, almost every student had their own bike, and furthermore their parents also used bikes as a means of transportation.

This long sentence contains several errors: subject-verb agreement ('every single student have' should be 'had' — Grammar problem types 27 and 5), pluralization ('parent' should be 'parents' — type 1), article/word choice and redundancy ('used bike as their trans transportation vehicle' is incorrect and wordy). 'During my age at that generation' is unnatural; 'during my time' is clearer (Grammar problem type 26). Use past tense 'had' and 'used' to match time frame. 'Bikes' should be plural to match 'parents' and general usage. Replace 'trans transportation vehicle' with 'a means of transportation' or simply 'transportation'. Suggestion: simplify phrase, ensure subject-verb agreement, use plural nouns where appropriate, and choose standard vocabulary.