Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, correct grammar and avoid hesitation. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense errors (use past tense for childhood) and remove fillers like “umm” and repeated words.

例: Yes. I had a small bike from the age of three, but I didn’t learn to ride until I was four. It took me several months to gain confidence because I was afraid of falling, so my parents practiced with me in the park until I could ride on my own.

提案: Answer directly and give a specific reason with clearer linking words and smoother phrasing. Avoid repetition and filler words. Provide one or two concrete supporting points (e.g., public transport quality, traffic, geography).

例: Not really. In Hong Kong, people prefer faster and more convenient transport, such as cars and the MTR, because streets are crowded and distances can be long. Also, heavy traffic and lack of safe cycle lanes discourage many people from cycling.

× I do have a voice when I when I am a child.

✓ I did have a voice when I was a child.

The original sentence has tense inconsistency and repetition ('when I when I') and uses present tense 'do have' while referring to the past. Use simple past 'did have' and correct repetition. Suggestion: remove duplicate words and match past tense with 'was'.

× Umm, I had my bike when I was like 3 years old.

✓ Umm, I had my bike when I was about 3 years old.

Using 'like' to indicate approximation is informal and can be unclear in this context. Replace with 'about' for clearer, more grammatical expression when giving approximate ages.

× However, I didn't know how to ride a bike at that age.

✓ However, I didn't know how to ride a bike at that age.

This sentence is grammatically correct; it uses simple past appropriately to describe a past lack of ability. No change necessary.

× So I started learning how to ride a bike when I was 4, but it took me a long time to actually know how to ride a bike.

✓ So I started learning to ride a bike when I was four, but it took me a long time to actually learn.

Use consistent verb forms: 'started learning to ride' is more natural than 'started learning how to ride', and 'learn' is preferred instead of 'know how to ride' after 'took me a long time to'. Also write numbers as words for small numbers in formal speech: 'four'.

× I don't think bikes are popular in my country because in Hong Kong people usually value efficiency as riding a bike is not as as efficient as driving a car.

✓ I don't think bikes are popular in my country because in Hong Kong people usually value efficiency, and riding a bike is not as efficient as driving a car.

There is a repeated 'as' and a run-on structure. Keep present simple 'don't think' and 'are not as efficient' consistent, remove duplicate word, and connect clauses with 'and' or a comma to improve sentence structure.

× Umm for example. Like the speed of a bike is not faster than a car so people don't usually ride a bike.

✓ For example, the speed of a bike is not faster than that of a car, so people don't usually ride bikes.

Avoid sentence fragments like 'Umm for example.' and filler 'Like' at the start. Use comparative structure 'not faster than that of a car' or 'not as fast as a car'. Also use plural 'bikes' when speaking generally. Connect clauses properly with a comma and conjunction 'so'.