Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid incorrect pronouns for objects, reduce hesitations, and add one or two specific details using linking words. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike as a child. It was a Hero Honda Splendor that I really loved, and I even customized it with a new seat and stickers because I wanted it to look unique.

提案: Answer directly, avoid unclear phrases (“Yes, by car”), reduce hesitations, and provide one or two specific reasons with linking words. Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., affordable, practical) and avoid repeating words.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. They are more affordable and fuel-efficient, so many middle-income families prefer them to cars, especially in crowded cities where parking and traffic are problematic.

× Yes, when I was a child, I had a bike which name was Splendor, which was of Hero Honda company and I also modified him because I, uh, I had a desire to modify my bike.

✓ Yes, when I was a child, I had a bike called Splendor, which was made by the Hero Honda company, and I also modified it because I wanted to customize my bike.

The sentence uses incorrect pronoun 'him' for an object (bike) and awkward relative clause 'which name was'. Use 'called' to name the bike and 'it' as the correct pronoun for an inanimate object. Also replace 'which was of Hero Honda company' with 'made by the Hero Honda company' for correct preposition and passive construction. Change 'I had a desire to modify' to the simpler past-tense 'I wanted to customize' to match the past context and sound natural.

× Yes, by car. Quite popular in my country because bikes are uh, a little bit affordable and most of the population in India is a middle class and poor, therefore they prefer bike over car.

✓ Yes, they are quite popular in my country because bikes are more affordable, and most of the population in India is middle class or poor, so they prefer bikes to cars.

The original has sentence fragments ('Yes, by car.'), incorrect comparisons ('prefer bike over car'), article and plurality issues ('prefer bike' -> 'prefer bikes'), and awkward quantifier phrasing ('most of the population... is a middle class and poor'). Correct by combining fragments into a full sentence, use 'more affordable' for comparison, 'middle class or poor' for parallel adjectives, 'prefer X to Y' as the correct comparison structure, and plural nouns ('bikes', 'cars').