Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence, remove filler words (uh), correct grammar (age phrasing, tense), and give one or two specific supporting details (how often you used it, a memory or what you learned). Keep to 2–4 sentences and use linking words if you add details.

例: Yes, I did. When I was six or seven my father bought me a small training-bike, and I rode it almost every day after school. As a result, I learned balance quickly and became more confident cycling on my own.

提案: Be direct and avoid repetition. Give a clear opinion in one sentence, then support it with specific reasons or facts and a linking word (however, although, because). Use varied vocabulary and avoid repeating phrases like “when you consider”.

例: Bikes are moderately popular in my country locally because many people use them for short trips and markets. However, globally our bicycle use is low compared with some neighboring countries, mainly because of limited cycling infrastructure and heavy car usage.

× Uh, yes, I did. Uh, when I was, uh, six to seven, I, my dad bought me a bike that is appropriate for children to use and learn to save the drive. I probably use it for about a lot.

✓ Uh, yes, I did. When I was about six or seven, my dad bought me a bike that was appropriate for children to use and learn to ride. I probably used it a lot.

Errors: incorrect past tense and awkward phrasing. 'When I was six to seven' should be 'when I was about six or seven' to be natural. 'Bought me a bike that is appropriate' should use past tense 'was appropriate' because the action happened in the past. 'Learn to save the drive' is incorrect and unclear; the intended phrase is 'learn to ride.' 'I probably use it for about a lot' mixes present tense with past context and has wrong word order; correct past tense is 'I probably used it a lot.' Suggestions: keep verb tenses consistent (past) for past events, use natural age expressions ('about six or seven'), and use correct verbs ('ride' not 'drive').

× I think it's really, really popular considering some of the countries in the same region as my country.

✓ I think it's really popular compared to some countries in the same region as mine.

Errors: awkward phrasing and slight word choice issues. 'Considering some of the countries' is wordy; 'compared to some countries' is clearer. 'As my country' is more naturally 'as mine.' Keep present tense 'think' and 'is' consistent. Suggestion: use concise comparative phrasing and natural possessive pronouns.

× But I think it is not that popular when you consider globally because when you consider it like that, I think my country is really, really low considering the other countries usage of bikes.

✓ But I don't think it is that popular globally; compared with other countries, bike usage in my country is very low.

Errors: tense/mood and repetition. 'It is not that popular when you consider globally' is awkward; use 'I don't think it is that popular globally.' Repetition of 'when you consider' is redundant. 'Really, really low considering the other countries usage of bikes' is ungrammatical: use 'very low' and 'compared with other countries' and include possessive apostrophe in 'countries' usage' should be 'countries' usage' or better 'other countries' bike usage.' Suggestion: simplify the sentence, avoid repetition, and use clear comparative structures; maintain present tense for general statements.