Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, clarity and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence addressing the question, correct tense and word order, remove redundancy, and add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words (e.g., “because,” “so,” “when”) to make the answer flow. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I did. When I was six my father bought me a bright red bicycle for my birthday, and I rode it almost every day. Because I lived near a park, I spent hours practicing balance and tricks, so I quickly became confident riding on streets.

提案: Give a clear direct opinion first, then support it with two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid filler sounds (“uh”) and finish the sentence. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., “pollution,” “infrastructure,” “prefer driving”). Keep answers concise (2–3 sentences).

例: I don't think cycling is very popular in Iran. Mainly people prefer driving because of heavy traffic and poor cycling infrastructure, and air pollution also makes outdoor cycling less appealing.

× Yes I did have a bike when I travel.

✓ Yes, I did have a bike when I traveled.

The sentence refers to a past time, so the verb should be in the past tense. 'Travel' is present; change to 'traveled' to match the past frame set by 'did have' and 'when I'. Also add a comma after 'Yes' for clarity.

× When I was child my father bought me a a bright red bike for on my 6th birthday.

✓ When I was a child, my father bought me a bright red bike for my 6th birthday.

Several issues: missing article 'a' before 'child' and an extra 'a' before 'bright'. 'For on my 6th birthday' is redundant; use either 'on my 6th birthday' or 'for my 6th birthday' — here 'for my 6th birthday' is natural. Add a comma after the introductory clause 'When I was a child.' Remove duplicated 'a'.

× I always I asked the right the bike.

✓ I always asked for the right bike.

Original has extra pronoun 'I' and incorrect use of 'the right the bike.' The verb 'ask' in this context requires the preposition 'for' (ask for something). Remove duplicate 'I' and extra 'the' to form 'I always asked for the right bike.' If the intended meaning is 'I always chose the right bike,' use 'chose' instead of 'asked for'.

× No, I don't uh, in Iran, the weather is uh, polluted and uh, people uh, don't enjoy to ride bike and they prefer uh, to uh, drive riding rather than, uh, ride a bike and uh, because the, the street is.

✓ No, I don't think so. In Iran, the weather is polluted and people do not enjoy riding bikes. They prefer driving rather than riding bicycles because the streets are not suitable.

Multiple issues: 'don't' without a verb — needs 'think so' to complete thought. 'Don't enjoy to ride bike' uses incorrect verb pattern; after 'enjoy' use gerund: 'enjoy riding bikes.' Use plural 'bikes' or 'bicycles.' 'Prefer ... rather than ...' should contrast verbs: 'prefer driving rather than riding.' 'Drive riding' is incorrect. The fragment 'because the, the street is.' is incomplete; clarify with 'because the streets are not suitable' or similar. Also remove filler 'uh' and use full forms 'do not' for formality.