Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, give one specific supporting detail, and finish with a short concluding remark. Reduce hesitations and redundant phrases (e.g., “I did have” + “I used to”). Use linking words like “but” for contrast. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike as a child and I loved riding it around my neighborhood. However, I fell off when I was about seven, which made me a bit afraid of cycling for a while. As a result, I stopped riding regularly until I was older.

提案: Give a clear direct answer followed by two concise reasons using linking words. Avoid fillers like “umm” and vague phrasing such as “a little bit.” Use specific examples (e.g., cycling lanes, bike-sharing programs) and keep sentences shorter to improve clarity and fluency.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular, and their use is increasing. For example, more people cycle because they are environmentally conscious, and the growth of bike-sharing programs and cycling lanes makes commuting easier.

× I did, however, fall from a bike at an early age, so that kind of a little bit of trauma on me, so I stopped doing it.

✓ I did, however, fall off a bike at an early age, which caused me a little trauma, so I stopped doing it.

The sentence has issues with verb choice and sentence structure in past context. 'Fall from a bike' is awkward; native usage is 'fall off a bike'. The phrase 'that kind of a little bit of trauma on me' is ungrammatical and unclear; use 'which caused me a little trauma' to express past cause-effect. Also keep past tense consistent ('did fall' and 'stopped' are correct). Suggestion: use 'fall off' for incidents involving leaving a vehicle and rephrase causal clause as 'which caused me...'.

× I do think bikes are relatively popular, however many people started riding bikes umm more frequently now because they become more environmentally cautious and those umm right to work schemes are a little bit more popular, which facilitates people.

✓ I do think bikes are relatively popular; however, many people have started riding bikes more frequently now because they have become more environmentally conscious and those right-to-work schemes are a little more popular, which makes it easier for people.

Several tense and word-choice problems: 'started riding... now' mixes past simple with present time; use present perfect 'have started' to link past change to the present. 'Become' should be 'have become' for the same reason. 'Environmentally cautious' is acceptable but 'environmentally conscious' is more natural. 'Those umm right to work schemes' needs hyphens 'right-to-work schemes' and 'a little bit more popular' can be 'a little more popular'. 'Which facilitates people' is awkward; use 'which makes it easier for people' to show facilitation. Suggestions: keep tense consistent with present relevance (present perfect), choose natural collocations ('fall off', 'environmentally conscious', 'make it easier').