Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and conciseness: use correct verb forms and article/noun agreement; give a clear topic sentence then 1–2 specific duties. Use linking words only if adding details.

例: I currently work as a pharmacist at the Department of Disease Control in the Ministry of Public Health in Thailand. I develop treatment guidelines for people living with HIV and manage several public health projects, such as vaccination outreach programs.

提案: Use correct tense and clearer sequence: state where you studied and the course in a simple topic sentence, then add one specific detail. Keep sentences short and grammatically correct.

例: I studied pharmacy at Universal University in Pisanulo Province after finishing high school in my hometown. I completed a degree in Pharmaceutical Science and focused on pharmacology courses.

提案: Avoid repetition and improve vocabulary accuracy: correct pluralization and remove duplicate phrases. Give one clear reason with a specific example connected by a linking word such as 'for example' or 'because'.

例: Yes, it's a very good place to study because the university provides modern facilities and up-to-date equipment. For example, there are several well-equipped science laboratories and a large library with extensive online resources.

提案: Make topic sentence clear and fix grammar; explain one specific problem and a suggested improvement using linking words like 'because' or 'so'. Keep to 2–3 sentences maximum.

例: Yes, I would like the university to improve its sports center because the facilities were outdated when I was a student. For example, the gym equipment was insufficient and worn out, so it was difficult to train or take part in team activities.

提案: Correct noun phrases and verbs, and be specific about the degree and intentions. Use a topic sentence about the plan, then add reasons with linking words such as 'because' and 'so'.

例: My plan is to pursue a master's degree in the UK because British universities have a strong reputation in pharmacy. I believe studying there would improve my career prospects and give me access to advanced research and professional networks.

× I'm currently works as pharmacist at Department of Disease Control with each part of Ministry of Public Health in Thailand.

✓ I'm currently working as a pharmacist at the Department of Disease Control, part of the Ministry of Public Health in Thailand.

Error: 'works' is third person singular present; after 'I' use base form or present participle. Also missing articles and awkward phrase 'with each part of'. Suggestion: use present continuous 'am working' or 'work' and include articles 'a' and 'the'; rephrase organizational relationship as 'part of the Ministry'.

× My responsibility include developing guideline for people who live in HIV and managing several public health project.

✓ My responsibilities include developing guidelines for people living with HIV and managing several public health projects.

Errors: subject 'responsibility' should be plural 'responsibilities' to match verb 'include'; 'include' agrees with plural subject here. 'Guideline' and 'project' should be plural. Use 'people living with HIV' rather than 'people who live in HIV'.

× I graduate from high school in my hometown and then move to Pisanulo Province to study at Universal University.

✓ I graduated from high school in my hometown and then moved to Pisanulo Province to study at Universal University.

Error: actions are in the past but verbs are in base form. Use simple past 'graduated' and 'moved' to indicate completed past events. Maintain consistent past tense for past sequence of events.

× I study in the Faculty of Pharmacy when I complete a degree in Pharmaceutical Science.

✓ I studied in the Faculty of Pharmacy when I completed a degree in Pharmaceutical Science.

Error: sentence refers to past education, so verbs should be in past tense 'studied' and 'completed' (past participle used with auxiliary if needed). Using base forms is incorrect for past events. Also consider 'I studied ... and completed a degree in Pharmaceutical Science.' for clarity.

× Yes, I think it's very good place to study because my university offer a lot of high quality, high quality equipment and modern facilities for their students.

✓ Yes, I think it's a very good place to study because my university offers a lot of high-quality equipment and modern facilities for its students.

Errors: missing article 'a' before 'very good place'; subject-verb agreement 'university offers' (third person singular). 'High quality' should be hyphenated as compound adjective before a noun. 'Their' should be 'its' to agree with singular 'university'. Remove repeated phrase 'high quality'.

× For example, there are several well equipped UMM science laboratories and a large library with online resource.

✓ For example, there are several well-equipped UMM science laboratories and a large library with online resources.

Errors: hyphenate 'well-equipped' as compound adjective. 'Resource' should be plural 'resources' because libraries typically offer multiple online resources. Also consider adding 'the' before 'UMM' if appropriate.

× I would like a university Sports Center to be improved.

✓ I would like the university Sports Center to be improved.

Error: article use: 'a' implies any Sports Center; use 'the' to refer to the specific university facility. The rest of the structure 'would like ... to be improved' is acceptable for polite request.

× When I was student there, the Sports Center land facility and had insufficient outdated equipment so it was hard to train properly and participate in team activity, so I prefer.

✓ When I was a student there, the Sports Center's facilities were inadequate and outdated, so it was hard to train properly or participate in team activities.

Multiple errors: missing article 'a' before 'student'; 'Sports Center land facility' is unclear—use 'Sports Center's facilities'. Verb agreement and tense: use 'were' for plural 'facilities'. 'Insufficient outdated' is awkward; choose 'inadequate and outdated'. 'Participate in team activity' should be plural 'team activities'. Remove 'so I prefer' which is incomplete.

× My dream is to study for mother's degree abroad especially in UK because British university have a strong reputation in my field.

✓ My dream is to study for a master's degree abroad, especially in the UK, because British universities have a strong reputation in my field.

Errors: 'mother's degree' is incorrect; use 'master's degree'. Missing article 'a' before 'master's degree'. 'UK' usually takes 'the' as 'the UK'. 'University' should be plural 'universities' to match general statement; verb agreement 'have' with plural 'universities'.

× I believe studying there would improve my career path that give me access.

✓ I believe studying there would improve my career prospects and give me access to more opportunities.

Errors: 'career path that give me access' is ungrammatical and unclear. Use 'would improve my career prospects and give me access to more opportunities' for clarity and correct verb agreement ('give' after 'would').