Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers (uh, um). Start with a clear topic sentence stating your current status, then add one or two specific supporting details (job role, years of experience, reason you like it). Keep to maximum five sentences and use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas.

例: I am currently a real estate agent and I have been working in this field for several years. I specialize in residential sales and enjoy helping clients find homes that suit their needs because it feels rewarding to make a real difference in people’s lives.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence naming the institution and course, then add one or two specific reasons why the course suited you. Remove hesitations and finish your thought—avoid leaving sentences incomplete.

例: I studied business administration, majoring in marketing management, at Colegio de San Juan de Letran in Manila. This course suited me because it taught practical sales strategies and consumer behaviour, which prepared me well for a career in sales.

提案: Begin with a clear opinion sentence, then support it with specific reasons and an example. Use linking words such as 'because' and 'for example' to make the answer coherent and avoid vague phrases like 'a lot'.

例: Yes, it is a good place to study because Manila offers many libraries, internships and industry connections. For example, I was able to intern at a marketing firm which helped me apply classroom theory to real projects.

提案: Answer directly then give a specific reason and a possible solution or result. Avoid repetitive linking words and keep sentences varied. Mention how the change would improve student life to add depth.

例: Yes, I would change the rush-hour traffic because it makes commuting difficult after classes. If public transport schedules were improved or there were more shuttle services, students could get home faster and have more time to study.

提案: State your plan clearly, then give specific reasons and details (which course, why Tasmania/IMC, and what you hope to gain). Avoid leaving sentences unfinished and reduce hesitations.

例: I plan to study in Tasmania, Australia, at IMC where I hope to take a postgraduate course in property development. I chose IMC because it has strong industry links, and I expect to gain practical skills and international experience that will improve my real estate career.

× Well, I graduated back in 2013, I took up, uh, marketing management and now I work as a real estate agent.

✓ Well, I graduated back in 2013. I took up marketing management and now I work as a real estate agent.

Run-on sentence combining past events and present job; separate clauses with a period or conjunction. Use past tense 'graduated' and 'took up' for past actions and present 'work' for current job. Suggestion: split into two sentences to clarify timeline.

× So that's what I've been doing for the past years.

✓ So that's what I've been doing for the past few years.

Missing quantifier 'few' to make 'past years' natural. Present perfect continuous 'have been doing' is correct for an action continuing to the present. Add 'few' to indicate an unspecified small number of years.

× And, uh, this I believe is my passion, uh, doing sales and be able to make a difference when it comes.

✓ And, uh, I believe this is my passion: doing sales and being able to make a difference.

Parallel structure requires gerund 'being' to match 'doing'. Original 'be able' is base form; use 'being able' as a gerund. Also trim trailing 'when it comes' which is incomplete; use a concise phrase.

× Well, I studied at Colegio de San Juan de Letran in Manila where I took, uh, business administration major in marketing management.

✓ Well, I studied at Colegio de San Juan de Letran in Manila, where I took business administration, majoring in marketing management.

Missing article/connector and incorrect verb form for the clause 'major in'. Use a participial phrase 'majoring in' to describe the field of study. Add a comma before 'where' for clarity.

× Uh, I believe that that course is the best course for me as a someone that would like to pursue a career in sales.

✓ Uh, I believe that course is the best for me as someone who would like to pursue a career in sales.

Remove duplicate 'that' and unnecessary 'a'. Use 'someone who' rather than 'someone that' because 'who' refers to people. Simplify 'the best course' to 'the best' to avoid repetition.

× It gives me the right.

✓ It gave me the right foundation.

Original fragment 'It gives me the right.' is incomplete and vague. Context implies the course provided a foundation or skills; use past tense 'gave' if referring to completed study, and add a noun like 'foundation' to complete the idea.

× It is definitely a good place to study as Manila is the capital of my country where there are a lot of establishments and resources for students like me and I definitely learned a lot and was able to maximize.

✓ It is definitely a good place to study, as Manila is the capital of my country and has a lot of establishments and resources for students like me. I definitely learned a lot and was able to make the most of my opportunities.

Awkward clause combining 'there are' with long sentence. Replace 'there are a lot of' with 'has a lot of' for smoother reference to Manila. Final clause 'was able to maximize' is incomplete; use 'make the most of' or 'maximize my learning/opportunities.' Also split into two sentences for clarity.

× Well, the only thing that I would like to change in the place where I studied is the traffic during rush hour.

✓ Well, the only thing I would like to change about the place where I studied is the traffic during rush hour.

Use preposition 'about' with 'change' when referring to aspects of a place. 'Change in the place' is awkward; 'change about the place' or 'change about where I studied' is natural.

× So it's really hard to find some transportation going home when it's already 5:00 PM onwards.

✓ So it's really hard to find transportation home once it's 5:00 PM.

Use 'transportation' without 'some' for general reference. 'Going home' can be shortened to 'home'. 'Already 5:00 PM onwards' is redundant; use 'once it's 5:00 PM' or 'after 5:00 PM.'

× Well, I plan to study in Australia, particularly in Tasmania. I have talked to my agent and she recommended for me to study at IMC.

✓ Well, I plan to study in Australia, particularly in Tasmania. I have talked to my agent and she recommended that I study at IMC.

Use correct reporting structure after 'recommended': 'recommended that I study' or 'recommended I study'. 'Recommended for me to study' is incorrect. Present perfect 'have talked' is fine.

× It's a well known university in Australia and I'm looking forward to learn a lot from that school and also.

✓ It's a well-known university in Australia, and I'm looking forward to learning a lot from that school.

Hyphenate 'well-known' as a compound adjective. After 'looking forward to', use the gerund 'learning', not the infinitive 'to learn'. Remove trailing 'and also' which is incomplete.