Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific supporting details. Avoid ambiguous or incorrect phrases (e.g., “wound dressing boys” is unclear). Use linking words if adding extra details.

例: I work as a civil servant at a government hospital in Saudi Arabia, where I am assigned to the female surgical wards. I mainly take patients’ vital signs and administer medication, and I also assist with wound cleaning and dressing when needed.

提案: Use correct tense and clearer sentence structure. Begin with a direct statement about where you studied, then add 1–2 concise details (course, duration, or what you appreciated). Fix grammar (capitalization, repeated words) and use linking words for coherence.

例: I studied at the University of Nigeria, Enugu Campus, which is located in the eastern part of the country. I completed a five-year Bachelor of Nursing Science, and I appreciated the attentive classes and supportive lecturers.

提案: Avoid repetition and refine vocabulary. Give a clear topic sentence then one supporting reason with a specific example. Replace awkward phrases like “academic Excellency” with “academic excellence.” Use linking words such as “because” or “for example.”

例: Yes, it is a great place to study because the university consistently achieves high academic results and the lecturers are highly competent. For example, many graduates secure good jobs soon after completing their degrees.

提案: Provide a focused single suggestion and explain it clearly with specific details. Begin with a topic sentence about one change, then explain why and how it would help. Fix grammar and complete the idea; use linking words like “for example” or “so that.”

例: Yes. I would like the university to improve how it handles student complaints about lecturers so that concerns are investigated fairly and promptly. For example, they could set up an independent committee to review petitions and provide timely feedback to students.

提案: Be concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear statement of your plan, then give specific reasons and link them logically. Use more precise vocabulary: explain what aspect of mental health interests you and how it fits your career goals.

例: In the future I plan to pursue a master's degree in mental health because I enjoy working in psychiatric settings. For example, I find psychiatric nursing rewarding and hope advanced training will allow me to provide better care and take on a specialist role.

× I work in female surgical wards.

✓ I work in the female surgical wards.

The noun phrase refers to specific wards so include the definite article 'the' and 'wards' plural is fine; correction adds article to specify the particular wards where the speaker works.

× My work comprises of taking vital signs, administering medication and wound cleaning.

✓ My work comprises taking vital signs, administering medication, and cleaning wounds.

The verb 'comprise' should be followed directly by the items without 'of'. Use parallel gerund forms: 'taking', 'administering', 'cleaning' and plural 'wounds' fits better.

× Sometimes I do wound dressing boys.

✓ Sometimes I do wound dressings for boys.

Original sentence has incorrect word order and missing preposition. Use the noun 'dressings' and add 'for' to indicate the recipients; this fixes sentence structure and meaning.

× I went to University of Nigeria inugu campus.

✓ I went to the University of Nigeria, Enugu campus.

Proper nouns need capitalization and the definite article 'the' before the university name in this context. Also correct the spelling of 'Enugu'.

× It is located in eastern parts of Nigeria.

✓ It is located in the eastern part of Nigeria.

Use 'the' with 'eastern part' to indicate a specific region and singular 'part' is more natural here than plural 'parts'.

× I studied Bachelor of Nursing science.

✓ I studied for a Bachelor of Nursing Science.

When naming a degree, use 'a' and the preposition 'for' can be used; capitalize the degree name properly and include 'a' to make the noun phrase grammatical.

× It is a five years course.

✓ It is a five-year course.

Use the compound adjective 'five-year' (singular) before the noun 'course'. Hyphenated adjective agrees with singular noun.

× The the class was so attentive and teach and lecturers there did very well to.

✓ The class was very attentive, and the teachers and lecturers there did very well too.

Remove duplicate 'the', use 'very' instead of 'so' for formal correctness, correct 'teach' to 'teachers', add 'and' to join 'teachers and lecturers', and 'too' (not 'to') indicates also. Reorder for clarity.

× Yes, it is an interesting place to study because they have a record of high academic performance and the lecturers, they are very competent with academic Excellency.

✓ Yes, it is an interesting place to study because it has a record of high academic performance, and the lecturers are very competent with academic excellence.

Avoid switching pronouns ('they' for the school); refer to the school as 'it'. Use 'it has' not 'they have'. 'Academic Excellency' is incorrect word choice; use 'academic excellence'. Remove redundant pronoun 'they'.

× My school is well a very well known school in Nigeria because of their academic performance.

✓ My school is a very well-known school in Nigeria because of its academic performance.

Correct word order 'a very well-known school', hyphenate compound adjective, and use the possessive pronoun 'its' to agree with singular 'school' instead of 'their'.

× Firstly I want them to be paying attention to students reports, especially when they have issue with the lecturer and they write a petition against the lecturers they should try as much as possible to.

✓ Firstly, I want them to pay attention to students' reports, especially when students have an issue with a lecturer and write a petition against a lecturer; the university should try as much as possible to address it.

Use the base form after 'want' ('want them to pay'), possessive apostrophe in 'students' reports', singular 'an issue', use 'a lecturer' or 'the lecturer' for clarity, and finish the clause with a clear object 'address it'. The modal/verb forms were inconsistent and sentence unfinished; restructuring yields correct modal use and clarity.

× In future I would like I would like to go for my masters degree program in mental health.

✓ In the future, I would like to go for my master's degree program in mental health.

Remove duplicate phrase 'I would like', add 'the' and/or 'in the future' more natural, use possessive form 'master's degree', and include article 'a' or 'my' consistently.

× I have been hoping to do this course because I love working in a psychiatric hospital.

✓ I have been hoping to take this course because I love working in psychiatric hospitals.

Use 'take' for courses, and plural 'psychiatric hospitals' is more general. The present perfect continuous 'have been hoping' is fine; adjust nouns for natural collocation.

× It makes me feel more relaxed and it is not stressful.

✓ It makes me feel more relaxed and is not stressful.

Remove the extra subject 'it' in the second clause for conciseness; both clauses share same subject. This improves fluency.