Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small errors. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two brief supporting details (avoid redundancy like “more specifically” followed by obvious info). Correct grammar (“too soon” → “very soon”) and natural phrasing (“I feel a little bit excited” → “I’m quite excited”).

例: I’m a student — a senior studying classical music composition at Kung Min University in Seoul. I’ll graduate very soon, so I’m quite excited about finishing my degree and starting my career.

提案: Organize into a clear topic sentence + one supporting reason. Fix grammar ("quiet space" needs article and word order) and shorten phrasing. Use a linking word like “because” or “since” correctly.

例: I usually study in my university library. I go there at least once a week because it’s a very quiet space and helps me concentrate on my composition work.

提案: Be precise and avoid irrelevant or contradictory details. “A lot of cushion” is unclear and the TV detail sounds odd for studying — explain how features help studying. Correct grammar (subject-verb agreement, remove extra words) and use linking words like “also” appropriately.

例: Yes, it’s a great place to study because the seating is comfortable and the environment is calm. Also, there are useful facilities such as large screens for group practice, which makes collaborative work more convenient.

提案: Give a clearer topic sentence and one precise suggestion. Fix grammar ("the library already has good facilities", "a brighter atmosphere" → specify how). Use linking words like “however” correctly and avoid mixing negatives and conditions confusingly.

例: Not really — the library already has good facilities. However, if possible I would like improved lighting and more natural light to create a brighter, more energetic atmosphere for study.

提案: Correct small spelling/grammar errors ("purse" → "pursue", "music industry" → add articles or plural where needed). Structure as a clear plan with reasons and one specific goal. Use linking words like “because” and “so that” to show purpose.

例: I plan to pursue a master’s degree in the UK because it has a strong music scene and excellent conservatories. I want to deepen my expertise in composition so that I can become a professional composer in the music industry.

× I'm going to graduate too soon, so I feel a little bit excited.

✓ I'm going to graduate soon, so I feel a little excited.

The phrase 'too soon' implies something negative or excessive and doesn't fit the intended meaning. Also 'a little bit excited' is wordy; 'a little excited' is more natural. Keep present continuous 'I'm going to graduate' for a near future plan.

× I usually study in my university library with my friends at least once a week because it is really quiet space which helps me concentrate better on my subject.

✓ I usually study in my university library with my friends at least once a week because it is a really quiet space which helps me concentrate better on my subjects.

Missing article 'a' before 'really quiet space' is incorrect. Also 'my subject' should be plural 'my subjects' to match studying multiple subjects or the general idea; if singular, use 'my subject' with context. Added articles to make noun phrases grammatically correct.

× Absolutely yes. That is because my library has a lot of cushion in it so it is really snug.

✓ Absolutely. That's because my library has a lot of cushions, so it is really snug.

'Absolutely yes' is unnatural; 'Absolutely' or 'Yes, absolutely' is better. 'A lot of cushion' should be plural 'a lot of cushions' (countable). Replaced 'That is' with contraction 'That's' for natural speech; added comma before 'so' for clarity.

× Also my university libraries has got a big TV hanging on the wall so it is really convenient to whenever I study.

✓ Also my university library has a big TV hanging on the wall, so it's really convenient when I study.

Subject-verb agreement: 'libraries has' is wrong. Use singular 'library has' or plural 'libraries have'. 'Has got' is informal; 'has' is sufficient. 'Convenient to whenever I study' is ungrammatical — use 'convenient when I study'. Added comma and contraction for naturalness.

× Not really, because my university the library already has a good facilities.

✓ Not really, because my university library already has good facilities.

Article misuse: 'my university the library' is redundant; choose 'my university library'. 'A good facilities' mixes singular article 'a' with plural 'facilities' — remove 'a' or use 'a good facility' if singular.

× However, if I have a chance I would like to make a brighter atmosphere.

✓ However, if I have the chance, I would like to make the atmosphere brighter.

'Have a chance' is less natural than 'have the chance' for a specific opportunity. Word order: 'make a brighter atmosphere' is awkward; 'make the atmosphere brighter' is more natural. Added commas for clarity.

× I want to purse a master's degree in the UK because it has a strong music industry.

✓ I want to pursue a master's degree in the UK because it has a strong music industry.

Spelling error: 'purse' should be 'pursue'. 'Pursue' correctly expresses the intention to seek a degree.

× Also, I want to study my major more deeply and I wish to become an expert in music industry.

✓ Also, I want to study my major more deeply and I wish to become an expert in the music industry.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'music industry' is required when referring to the industry in general. The rest is acceptable; 'study my major more deeply' is natural.