Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small grammar issues; start with a clear topic sentence (I am working...) then add one brief supporting detail. Use correct proper nouns and verb forms and avoid repeating past study info twice.

例: I am currently working at Tim Hortons in Ottawa. I finished my studies last year, where I studied Business Management and Human Resources, and now I am gaining work experience while looking for a career in HR.

提案: Use present or past consistently and give a clear topic sentence. Fix name spelling and add a concise supporting detail such as length or a specific course to make the answer more informative.

例: I studied at Lambton College in Sarnia. I completed a two-year program and graduated with a degree in Business Management and Human Resources.

提案: Avoid redundancy and improve grammar and word choice. Start with a clear opinion sentence, then give two specific reasons using linking words (for example, because / moreover). Correct college name and use plural/singular properly.

例: Yes, absolutely. Lambton College is a great place to study because it offers practical internships that help students gain experience, and moreover it awards scholarships to high-achieving students.

提案: Be direct and avoid filler words (uh). Provide a clear topic sentence and one or two concise supporting reasons with linking words (because / since). Correct grammar (admission → my admission; college capitalization).

例: No, I wouldn't. I chose Lambton College because it is well known in the city, and the teachers are very helpful and supportive, which made my studies easier.

提案: Clarify the qualification (wording: I have a master's in Commerce) and use more natural phrasing (secure a stable job). Provide a brief plan or goal to show direction. Keep it to two sentences maximum.

例: I already have a master's degree in Commerce, so I don't plan to study further right now. Instead, I want to find a stable, well-paying job in HR that allows me to build my career.

× I'm currently working at Tim horton's in Ottawa and I have finished my studies last year and I studied business management and human resources.

✓ I'm currently working at Tim Hortons in Ottawa, and I finished my studies last year; I studied Business Management and Human Resources.

Errors: incorrect use of present perfect with a finished time expression ('have finished... last year') should be simple past (Past tense issue, ID 5). Possessive/name punctuation and capitalization: 'Tim horton's' should be 'Tim Hortons' (Article/Name formatting, closest: Article errors ID 22). Run-on sentence: combine clauses with commas/semicolon for clarity (Sentence structure error ID 26). Suggestions: use simple past for completed actions with a specific time, capitalize proper nouns, and break complex sentences into clear clauses.

× I studied in Lambton College, which is situated in Sarnia and I got a degree in Business Management and Human Resources.

✓ I studied at Lambton College, which is located in Sarnia, and I earned a degree in Business Management and Human Resources.

Errors: preposition use: 'studied in Lambton College' should be 'studied at Lambton College' (Incorrect use of prepositions ID 11). 'Situated' is acceptable but 'located' is more natural. 'Got a degree' is informal; use 'earned' or 'received' (Word choice/adjective/adverb ID 13). Maintain past tense consistently (Past tense issue ID 5). Suggestion: use 'at' with institutions and prefer 'earned/received' for degrees.

× Absolutely, Lampton College is one of the best places to study because it is very well known College in the city as well as it provides internships to the students and it also provides scholarship when student get.

✓ Absolutely. Lambton College is one of the best places to study because it is a very well-known college in the city. It provides internships to students and also offers scholarships when students qualify.

Errors: proper noun misspelling 'Lampton' -> 'Lambton' (Name correctness). Article and adjective placement: 'very well known College' needs 'a very well-known college' (Incorrect use of the definite article ID 17 and word order ID 18). Redundancy and awkward structure: split into sentences for clarity (Sentence structure error ID 26). 'provides scholarship when student get' has pluralization and article/pronoun errors: should be 'offers scholarships when students qualify' (Singular/plural issue ID 1; Incorrect use of pronouns ID 12). Suggestions: fix institution name, use articles and hyphenate compound adjectives, pluralize consistently, and use 'offer' or 'provide' with clear subject and verb.

× I would say no because the reason I took admission in this college is it is one of the well known College in the city and also the teachers there are really, uh, helpful and assist students in their, uh, studies.

✓ I would say no, because the reason I enrolled in this college is that it is one of the well-known colleges in the city, and the teachers there are very helpful and assist students with their studies.

Errors: 'took admission in this college' is unnatural; use 'enrolled in this college' or 'was admitted to this college' (Incorrect use of prepositions ID 11 and word choice ID 13). Missing conjunction 'that' to introduce the clause (Incorrect conjunction use ID 16). Article and plural: 'one of the well known College' should be 'one of the well-known colleges' (Article errors ID 22; Singular and plural issue ID 1; order of adjectives ID 18). 'assist students in their studies' is acceptable but 'assist students with their studies' is more natural (Preposition choice ID 11). Suggestions: use 'enroll' or 'be admitted to', include 'that' for clarity, pluralize 'colleges', hyphenate 'well-known', and avoid filled pauses in written responses.

× As I have studied masters in commerce, I don't have any future plans to study more. I just want to get a good and securing job for my future.

✓ As I have studied for a Master of Commerce, I don't have any plans to study further. I just want to get a good, secure job for my future.

Errors: degree phrasing: 'studied masters in commerce' should be 'studied for a Master of Commerce' or 'completed a Master's in Commerce' (Incorrect use of articles ID 17; Verb in past participle/form ID 9). Tense/aspect: 'have studied' can be acceptable, but 'completed' or 'have completed' is clearer (Present/past tense issue ID 6/5). 'study more' -> 'study further' is more natural (Word choice ID 13). 'a good and securing job' incorrect adjective 'securing' should be 'secure' (Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs ID 13). Suggestions: use correct degree terminology, 'study further' for additional study, and choose 'secure' to describe a stable job.