Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer provides relevant information but lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. Try to make your sentences clearer and more concise, and avoid redundancy. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, start with a clear topic sentence, then add supporting details with appropriate connectors.

例: I am currently both studying and working part-time. I work as a manager at a grocery store, and I am also learning digital marketing. This helps me develop important skills like problem-solving and practical knowledge, which are essential for my career growth.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant but could be improved by using more precise vocabulary and better linking words. Also, correct minor grammatical errors such as 'more access' to 'better access' and 'completion' to 'completing'.

例: I study at the library because it offers a quiet environment, which helps me concentrate without distractions. Additionally, I have better access to books, CDs, and computers, all of which are essential for completing my projects and assignments on time.

提案: Your response is relevant but contains grammatical mistakes and some awkward phrasing. Try to use more natural expressions and correct grammar, such as 'long hours studying' and 'things that help me succeed'. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: Yes, I believe it is an excellent place to study. I have spent many hours here because of the quiet environment, which allows me to focus without distractions. Moreover, the library provides resources like computers, CDs, and books that help me succeed.

提案: Your answer addresses the question but has grammatical errors and unclear phrasing. Use clearer sentences and correct grammar, for example, 'a few changes are needed' and 'adding more computers'. Also, use linking words to improve coherence.

例: Yes, I think a few changes are needed. First, the library should update its technology by adding more computers and upgrading its facilities. This would give individuals better access to useful resources, which would be very beneficial.

提案: Your answer is relevant but contains grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. Use correct verb tenses and clearer expressions. For example, say 'I intend to pursue a Master's degree in marketing' and explain your reasons with linking words.

例: I intend to pursue a Master's degree in marketing because it will help me both professionally and personally. Moreover, I dream of studying abroad to gain knowledge, skills, and experiences that are important for my future career.

× Currently I'm studying and working as a part time.

✓ Currently I'm studying and working part-time.

The phrase 'as a part time' is incorrect because 'part-time' is an adjective or adverb describing the type of work and does not require the article 'a'. The correct form is 'working part-time'. This improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× I am working as a manager in the grocery store or other than that I am perceived by carrying a digital marketing.

✓ I am working as a manager in a grocery store, and other than that, I am involved in digital marketing.

The conjunction 'or' is incorrectly used here; 'and' is appropriate to connect two related activities. Also, 'perceived by carrying a digital marketing' is incorrect; 'involved in digital marketing' is a clearer and grammatically correct expression.

× I am still learning about the different type of the marketing skills which are highly important for me to improve my skills such as problem solving, knowledgeable and the practical skills.

✓ I am still learning about the different types of marketing skills which are highly important for me to improve my skills such as problem solving, knowledge, and practical skills.

'Type' should be plural 'types' because it refers to multiple kinds. Also, 'knowledgeable' is an adjective and should be replaced with the noun 'knowledge' to fit the list of skills.

× I study at the library because it is a quiet environment.

✓ I study in the library because it is a quiet environment.

The correct preposition for being inside a building like a library is 'in' rather than 'at'. 'At' is used for general locations, but 'in' specifies being inside a place.

× Moreover, I have a more access to the books, CDs, computers which are highly important for me to completion my project and assignments before the deadline.

✓ Moreover, I have more access to books, CDs, and computers which are highly important for me to complete my projects and assignments before the deadline.

'A more access' is incorrect; 'access' is an uncountable noun and does not take 'a'. Also, 'completion' should be the verb 'complete' to fit the sentence. 'Projects' should be plural to match 'assignments'.

× I've spent a long hours study over here because of the quiet environment.

✓ I've spent long hours studying here because of the quiet environment.

'A long hours' is incorrect because 'hours' is plural and should not be preceded by 'a'. Also, 'study' should be the gerund 'studying' to indicate the activity.

× Moreover, it has a lot of things which I can success such as computers, CDs, the books.

✓ Moreover, it has a lot of things which can help me succeed such as computers, CDs, and books.

'I can success' is incorrect; the verb 'succeed' should be used. Also, 'a lot of things' is vague; specifying that these things help to succeed improves clarity. 'The books' should be 'books' without 'the'.

× Yes, there are few changes required in that place.

✓ Yes, there are a few changes required in that place.

'Few' without 'a' implies almost none, which is likely not intended. 'A few' means some and is appropriate here.

× First and foremost they should update the things according to the modern technology such as addition of the more computers and upgraded library.

✓ First and foremost, they should update things according to modern technology, such as adding more computers and upgrading the library.

'According to' is acceptable but 'addition of the more computers' is awkward; 'adding more computers' is clearer. Also, 'upgraded library' should be 'upgrading the library' to parallel the verb form.

× With the addition of these things and individual can have access to the more library products which are very beneficial.

✓ With the addition of these things, an individual can have access to more library resources which are very beneficial.

'An individual' requires the article 'an'. 'The more library products' is incorrect; 'more library resources' is clearer and more natural.

× I intended to pursue my career in the Masters in marketing skills.

✓ I intend to pursue a Master's degree in marketing skills.

'Intended' is past tense; 'intend' is present tense and fits better here. Also, 'Masters in marketing skills' should be 'Master's degree in marketing' for correct terminology.

× The reason behind is that it will very helpful for me professionally and personally.

✓ The reason is that it will be very helpful for me professionally and personally.

'The reason behind is' is awkward; 'The reason is that' is correct. Also, 'will very helpful' is missing the verb 'be'.

× I have a dream to study abroad so that I can get the knowledge, ways and skills which are important in a job.

✓ I have a dream to study abroad so that I can gain the knowledge, methods, and skills which are important for a job.

'Get' is informal; 'gain' is more appropriate. 'Ways' is vague; 'methods' is clearer. Also, 'important in a job' should be 'important for a job'.