Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and clear by correcting grammar and avoiding redundancy. Also, clarify what kind of work you do and avoid vague phrases like 'do a baking'.

例: I am both a worker and a student because I believe it is important to earn money while studying. I usually work part-time in a bakery.

提案: Make your answer more coherent and natural by correcting grammar and removing repeated words. Use linking words to connect ideas clearly.

例: I usually prefer to study at home because I feel very relaxed there, and it motivates me to complete my work perfectly.

提案: Improve your answer by using simpler and clearer language. Avoid repeating similar ideas and use linking words to make your answer more fluent.

例: Yes, my room is a good place to study because it has a friendly environment. Moreover, I can concentrate better and stay motivated to work carefully.

提案: Try to use more precise vocabulary and correct grammar. Also, avoid vague expressions like 'plethora of changes' and clarify your ideas with linking words.

例: Yes, I would like to make some changes in my room. For example, I want to add a study table so that I can work more comfortably and concentrate better. Also, I prefer to make my room quieter.

提案: Make your answer clearer and more natural by using correct phrases and grammar. Avoid awkward expressions like 'upcoming eras' and 'move to abroad'.

例: In the future, I want to pursue a career in nursing. Therefore, I plan to study abroad to gain better educational facilities and earn money while studying to become a good nurse.

× I am both worker as well as student as I feel that it is very essential to earn money along with education, so I usually do a baking.

✓ I am both a worker as well as a student because I feel that it is very essential to earn money along with education, so I usually do baking.

The sentence misses the articles 'a' before 'worker' and 'student' which are necessary for singular countable nouns. Also, 'do a baking' is incorrect; 'baking' is an uncountable noun here and does not need 'a'. The conjunction 'as' is better replaced with 'because' for clarity.

× I usually prefer to do study in my home because I feel very relaxed over there as well as I consider it more and and get and be motivated to do all my work with perfection.

✓ I usually prefer to study at home because I feel very relaxed there, and I consider it better and get motivated to do all my work perfectly.

The phrase 'do study' is incorrect; 'prefer to study' is correct. The preposition 'in my home' should be 'at home'. The phrase 'consider it more' is unclear and corrected to 'consider it better'. Also, 'and and get and be motivated' is redundant and corrected to 'and get motivated'. 'With perfection' is better expressed as 'perfectly'.

× Yes, of course my room is a good place to study because the environmental present in my room is very friendly as well as I can concentrate more over there and work with more motivation as well as with perfection.

✓ Yes, of course, my room is a good place to study because the environment in my room is very friendly, and I can concentrate better there and work with more motivation and perfection.

The word 'environmental' is an adjective; the noun 'environment' is needed here. The phrase 'present in my room' is unnecessary and removed for clarity. 'Concentrate more over there' is better as 'concentrate better there'. The phrase 'with more motivation as well as with perfection' is simplified to 'with more motivation and perfection'.

× Yes of course I like to make plethora of changes in my room like I want a study table in my room so that I can do my work easily as well as concentrate more. Along with this I usually prefer to make my room quite place.

✓ Yes, of course, I would like to make a plethora of changes in my room, like adding a study table so that I can do my work easily and concentrate better. Along with this, I usually prefer to make my room a quiet place.

The phrase 'make plethora of changes' needs the article 'a' before 'plethora'. 'Like I want a study table' is better expressed as 'like adding a study table'. 'Concentrate more' is better as 'concentrate better'. 'Quite place' is incorrect; it should be 'quiet place'.

× In the upcoming eras, I want to pursue my future in nursing, so that's why I want to move to abroad for my further studies so that I can earn money along with my education and I can get a lot of facilities related to education over there to be a good nurse.

✓ In the coming years, I want to pursue a career in nursing, so I want to move abroad for my further studies so that I can earn money along with my education and get many educational facilities there to become a good nurse.

The phrase 'upcoming eras' is unnatural; 'coming years' is better. 'Pursue my future in nursing' is incorrect; 'pursue a career in nursing' is correct. 'Move to abroad' should be 'move abroad'. 'A lot of facilities related to education' is better as 'many educational facilities'. 'To be a good nurse' is better expressed as 'to become a good nurse'.