Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear but a bit unnatural and slightly redundant. Try to make it more concise and natural by saying, "I work as a government employee in the Ministry of Finance since 2024." Also, avoid repeating the same information unnecessarily.

例: I work as a government employee in the Ministry of Finance, and I have been there since 2024.

提案: Your answer is too long and a bit confusing. Try to organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details using linking words. Also, clarify what "3.5" means. For example, "I studied marketing at the University of Russia for six years. I graduated with high marks, achieving a GPA of 3.5."

例: I studied marketing at the University of Russia for six years. During this time, I worked hard and graduated with a GPA of 3.5, which I am proud of.

提案: Your answer has good points but some sentences are unclear and grammar needs improvement. Use linking words like "because" or "and" to connect ideas. Also, avoid vague phrases like "laser time." For example, "Yes, it is a good place to study because the environment is friendly and peaceful. The traffic is low, and people are very cordial. Students can relax in playgrounds or read books comfortably."

例: Yes, it is a good place to study because the environment is friendly and peaceful. The traffic is low, and most people are very cordial. Students can relax in playgrounds or read books comfortably.

提案: Your answer is unclear and has grammatical errors. Try to answer directly and clearly. For example, "I am satisfied with the place where I study. It is very conducive to my learning, and I enjoy living and studying here."

例: I am satisfied with the place where I study. It is very conducive to my learning, and I enjoy living and studying here.

提案: Your answer has good content but needs better structure and grammar. Use linking words to connect ideas. For example, "My future plan is to get a master's degree from abroad because I dream of becoming a master's degree holder. Also, my job requires a foreign master's degree for promotion."

例: My future plan is to get a master's degree from abroad because I dream of becoming a master's degree holder. Also, my job requires a foreign master's degree for promotion.

× I am a government service holder, I work in a Ministry of Finance and I have been working since 2024.

✓ I am a government service holder, I work in the Ministry of Finance and I have been working since 2024.

The definite article 'the' is required before 'Ministry of Finance' because it refers to a specific government department. In English, names of specific institutions usually take 'the'.

× I started my honors in the University of Russia located in Russia division and my subject was marketing and my tenure was in my university was six years and I have passed with a very high score and scored 3.5.

✓ I started my honors at the University of Russia located in the Russia division, and my subject was marketing. My tenure at the university was six years, and I passed with a very high score of 3.5.

The preposition 'at' is used with 'started my honors' to indicate the place of study. Also, 'the University of Russia' and 'the Russia division' require the definite article 'the' because they refer to specific places. The sentence was also split for clarity and grammar correctness.

× Obviously it's a very good place for study. It is very friendly for the student. Traffic is low and most of the people are very much cordial and student friendly area. Student can have their laser time in sitting in playgrounds or even reading books from.

✓ Obviously, it's a very good place to study. It is very friendly for students. Traffic is low, and most people are very cordial and student-friendly. Students can spend their leisure time sitting in playgrounds or even reading books there.

The phrase 'good place for study' should be 'good place to study' to express purpose. 'Friendly for the student' should be 'friendly for students' to match plural. 'Student friendly area' needs a hyphen as 'student-friendly'. 'Laser time' is a typo for 'leisure time'. 'Sitting in playgrounds' is correct, but 'reading books from' is incomplete; 'reading books there' is appropriate.

× Actually, what I am availing now is very much conducive to me. I love love this place and also like. Living here and continue my study.

✓ Actually, what I am experiencing now is very conducive to me. I love this place and also like living here and continuing my studies.

The phrase 'I am availing now' is incorrect; 'experiencing' or 'having' is better. The sentence 'I love love this place and also like.' is incomplete and repetitive; corrected to 'I love this place and also like living here and continuing my studies.' The verb forms 'continue' should be 'continuing' to match the gerund form after 'like'.

× My future study that is to get a masters degree from abroad and I have a good dream to be a master degree holder and my service also demands that a foreign masters degree holder will get promotions soon.

✓ My future study plan is to get a master's degree from abroad. I have a strong dream to be a master's degree holder, and my service also demands that a foreign master's degree holder gets promotions soon.

The phrase 'My future study that is to get' is awkward; 'My future study plan is to get' is better. 'Masters degree' should be 'master's degree' with apostrophe. The modal 'will get promotions soon' is better expressed as 'gets promotions soon' to indicate a general truth or policy. Also, the sentence was split for clarity.