Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is relevant but a bit long and slightly redundant. Try to be more concise and directly answer the question first, then add supporting details if needed. Also, use simpler sentence structures for clarity.

例: I have recently graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Business Administration. Now, I am planning to pursue my master's degree abroad to gain international experience.

提案: Your answer repeats information from the previous question and is a bit lengthy. Focus on directly answering the question about where you studied, then briefly mention your future plans if relevant. Use linking words to improve coherence.

例: I studied Business Administration at a university in Dehradun, India. Now, I plan to pursue my master's degree abroad to enhance my skills and gain international exposure.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant but contains minor errors and redundancy. Avoid repeating phrases and ensure grammatical accuracy. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: Yes, it is a good place to study. Graphic Era University in Dehradun offers quality education and a peaceful environment, which helped me focus better and improve my academic performance.

提案: There are some errors and repetitions in your answer. Be careful with word choice (e.g., 'players' instead of 'places') and avoid repeating phrases. Use linking words to connect your ideas clearly.

例: Yes, I would like to see some changes in the place where I studied. For example, adding more quiet zones and comfortable seating would help students concentrate better. Also, upgrading the available technology would make studying more efficient.

提案: Your answer is relevant but contains repetition and could be more concise. Avoid repeating phrases and use linking words to make your answer coherent and natural.

例: In the future, I plan to pursue my master's degree abroad because it will benefit my career growth. Studying overseas will also allow me to learn from diverse cultures and gain valuable international exposure.

× I've recently graduated with a degree in Bachelors of Business Administration and I'm looking forward to pursuing my masters from abroad.

✓ I've recently graduated with a degree in Bachelor of Business Administration and I'm looking forward to pursuing my masters from abroad.

The phrase 'Bachelors of Business Administration' is incorrect because 'Bachelor' is singular and should be used without 's' when referring to the degree name. Also, the definite article 'a' is correctly used before 'degree'. The correct term is 'Bachelor of Business Administration'.

× I recently completed my graduation from a university in Dehradun, India where I studied Business Administration.

✓ I recently completed my graduation from a university in Dehradun, India, where I studied Business Administration.

A comma is needed before 'where' to separate the clauses properly, improving sentence clarity and structure.

× Now I am planning to pursue my masters from abroad which I believe will help me in enhancing my skills and provide me international exposure.

✓ Now I am planning to pursue my masters from abroad, which I believe will help me enhance my skills and provide me with international exposure.

A comma is needed before 'which' to separate the clauses. Also, 'help me in enhancing' is better expressed as 'help me enhance'. Additionally, 'provide me international exposure' requires the preposition 'with' to be correct.

× Located in a city like Dehradun, Graphic Era provided quality education and it offers a peaceful environment which helped me in back help me focus better on my studies and improve my academic performance.

✓ Located in a city like Dehradun, Graphic Era provided quality education and offers a peaceful environment which helped me focus better on my studies and improve my academic performance.

The phrase 'helped me in back help me' is incorrect and redundant. It should be corrected to 'helped me focus better'. Also, 'it offers' should be 'offers' to maintain parallel structure with 'provided'.

× Yes, I would like to make some changes to the players where I used to study, especially to improve the overall environment.

✓ Yes, I would like to make some changes to the places where I used to study, especially to improve the overall environment.

The word 'players' is incorrect in this context; the correct word is 'places' referring to locations. This is a pronoun/word choice error.

× For instance, adding more quiet zones and comfortable seating areas would help students concentrate better. Additionally, upgrading the technology available technology available would also make studying more efficient.

✓ For instance, adding more quiet zones and comfortable seating areas would help students concentrate better. Additionally, upgrading the technology available would also make studying more efficient.

The phrase 'technology available technology available' is a repetition error and should be corrected by removing the duplicate words.

× In the future, I am planning to pursue my masters from abroad because I believe it will provide it will be beneficial for my career growth, and studying overseas will give me the opportunity to learn from diverse cultures and gain international exposure and enhance my skills.

✓ In the future, I am planning to pursue my masters from abroad because I believe it will be beneficial for my career growth, and studying overseas will give me the opportunity to learn from diverse cultures, gain international exposure, and enhance my skills.

The phrase 'it will provide it will be beneficial' is redundant and should be corrected to 'it will be beneficial'. Also, commas are needed to separate the list items for clarity.