Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition, correct grammar, and make the answer more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repeating phrases like “I love capturing,” and fix small errors (e.g., “Is I” → “Yes, I”, “that delightful moments” → “those delightful moments”). Use one or two supporting details and a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views, especially landscapes and festivals. For example, I often photograph candid movements at family gatherings because candid shots capture real emotion. Also, I usually carry a compact camera with me, which helps me record those delightful moments and beautiful sceneries.

提案: Make the response direct and reduce fillers like “Umm”. Use a clear topic sentence and link supporting details with connectors. Be specific about what you like (e.g., “open fields, fewer buildings”) and avoid vague words like “so fascinating.”

例: I prefer rural views because they offer open fields and more greenery compared to cities. For instance, houses surrounded by farms and quiet early mornings with chirping birds and fresh air make the countryside very peaceful and photogenic.

提案: Clarify the comparison and correct grammar. Use a clear topic sentence: state preference, then give two specific reasons with linking words (for example, “because” and “also”). Remove filler words (“uh”). Make nouns and verbs agree (e.g., “every place has distinct features,” “there are many things”).

例: I prefer the views in my own country because it has a lot of cultural diversity and varied tourist spots. For example, many regions are covered with dense green forests and there are traditional festivals and landscapes that are unique and worth exploring.

× Is I love taking pictures of different views, especially the landscape, the festivals and I love capturing.

✓ I love taking pictures of different views, especially landscapes and festivals, and I love capturing them.

The sentence starts with 'Is I' which is incorrect; use subject pronoun 'I' alone. Also 'the landscape, the festivals' should be plural or parallel: 'landscapes and festivals'. Add object 'them' to refer back to what is being captured. Suggestion: remove the extraneous 'Is' and maintain parallel structure.

× I love capturing different movements, especially during family gathering or during a party.

✓ I love capturing different movements, especially during family gatherings or at a party.

Use plural 'gatherings' or include an article 'a' before 'family gathering'. Also prefer preposition 'at' a party rather than 'during a party'. Maintain consistent pluralization for general statements.

× I have a camera along with me that helps me to capture that delightful moments and sceneries.

✓ I have a camera with me that helps me capture those delightful moments and sceneries.

Use 'with me' instead of 'along with me' for natural phrasing. 'That' should be 'those' to match plural 'moments and sceneries'. Also 'helps me capture' is more natural than 'helps me to capture'.

× Umm I prefer views of rural areas as the rural areas have more Greenbelt as compared to urban ones.

✓ I prefer views of rural areas because they have more greenbelt than urban areas.

Avoid repetition 'rural areas' twice; use a pronoun 'they'. 'As compared to' is wordy; use 'than' for comparison. 'Greenbelt' should be lowercase 'greenbelt' unless a proper noun. Keep concise comparative structure.

× All the houses surrounded by farms and the early mornings are very delightful with the sounds of chirping birds and fresh air.

✓ All the houses are surrounded by farms, and the early mornings are very delightful with the sounds of chirping birds and fresh air.

The phrase lacked the verb 'are' after 'houses' to form a clause. Add 'are' to show passive 'are surrounded'. Use comma and conjunction to join two independent clauses.

× I prefer views of my own country than other countries, although every space have its uh, distinct features in my country, uh, it is full of uh, cultural diversity with the different uh, tourist spots, especially the natural places covered with green trees, and there is many things to explore in my country.

✓ I prefer views of my own country to those in other countries. Although every place has its own distinct features, my country is full of cultural diversity with many tourist spots, especially natural areas covered with green trees, and there are many things to explore.

Use 'prefer A to B' not 'prefer A than B'. 'Space' is wrong; use 'place'. 'Every place has' (subject-verb agreement). Use 'those in other countries' to avoid repetition. 'There is many things' should be 'there are many things' for plural agreement. Simplify and remove filler words 'uh'.