Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more focused and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one specific example with details and use linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., "for example" used twice) and reduce irrelevant information about job title unless it supports the reason you take photos (e.g., to document work). Aim for 2–3 sentences and use precise vocabulary like "document" or "record."

例: Yes, I do. I often take photos to document dental hygiene treatments at work, especially before-and-after shots to record improvements. For instance, last week I photographed a patient's teeth before and after scaling to show the difference.

提案: Answer directly with a topic sentence and support it with one or two clear reasons using linking words. Avoid redundant phrases ("mostly... of course... mostly"). Include a specific example of what you enjoy about urban views (architecture, nightlife,cafés) to make the answer more vivid. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer urban views because I enjoy the lively atmosphere and modern architecture. For example, in Bishkek I like walking through busy streets with cafés and shops, which makes it easy to meet friends and try new places.

提案: Give a clear stance or say you are flexible. Use linking words (e.g., "however", "for example") and avoid vague words like "adorable" for landscapes. Provide one specific contrast between abroad and home (e.g., different scenery, architecture, climate) and a concise example of Cyprus and a home location. Keep it to 2–3 focused sentences.

例: I don't have a strong preference; it depends on the destination. For example, I loved Cyprus for its coastal scenery and clear sea, whereas at home we have beautiful mountain landscapes, so I enjoy both for different reasons.

× 'And yes I do some pictures of our before and after how we did treatment and hygiene work.'

✓ 'And yes, I take some pictures of our patients before and after we do treatments and hygiene work.'

'do' + 'some pictures' is incorrect because 'do' is not used with 'pictures'; use 'take pictures'. Also 'before and after how we did treatment' mixes noun and clause forms and uses past tense inconsistently with habitual action; change to 'before and after we do treatments' and pluralize 'treatment' to 'treatments' for generality. Add comma after 'yes'. Suggestion: use 'take pictures' for photographing, use consistent tense (present simple) for habitual actions, and plural nouns when referring to repeated procedures.

× 'Because I was living mostly in urban areas, of course I prefer something more modern and busy cities, like I was born, for example, in Bishkek.'

✓ 'Because I have mostly lived in urban areas, of course I prefer more modern, busy cities; for example, I was born in Bishkek.'

'was living mostly' suggests a past continuous action; the speaker means a general life experience. Use present perfect 'have mostly lived' to show life experience up to now. 'prefer something more modern and busy cities' mixes 'something' with 'cities' and is ungrammatical; change to 'prefer more modern, busy cities'. Use punctuation to separate clauses. Suggestion: use present perfect for life experiences and match modifiers to nouns.

× 'It's a capital city of Kyrgyzstan, and I prefer mostly urban areas because it's like you can go out with your friends and hang out.'

✓ 'It's the capital city of Kyrgyzstan, and I mostly prefer urban areas because you can go out with your friends and hang out.'

'a capital city' is acceptable in some contexts, but here the specific capital requires the definite article 'the'. Also 'I prefer mostly urban areas' word order changed to 'I mostly prefer urban areas' for natural adverb placement. Remove colloquial filler 'it's like'. Suggestion: use 'the' for specific known entities and place adverbs close to the verb.

× 'For example, I was recently in Cyprus and I really like it, this place because it's so beautiful, adorable.'

✓ 'For example, I was recently in Cyprus and I really liked it because it is so beautiful and lovely.'

'was recently in Cyprus' (past) is fine with 'really liked' for a past visit; mixing 'liked' and 'like' is inconsistent. Use past 'liked' for the visit and present 'is' for a lasting quality. 'Adorable' is odd for a place; 'lovely' is more natural. Suggestion: keep tense consistent when describing a past trip and choose appropriate adjectives for places.

× 'You can see a lot of beautiful views and it depends on where are you going.'

✓ 'You can see a lot of beautiful views, and it depends on where you are going.'

Word order in indirect question 'where are you going' is incorrect within a statement; use subject-verb order 'where you are going'. Add a comma before the conjunction. Suggestion: use statement word order for embedded questions.

× 'Sometimes in my own country also we have beautiful places which we can see.'

✓ 'Sometimes in my own country we also have beautiful places to see.'

'also' placement is awkward; 'which we can see' is wordy and unnatural. Use 'we also have' and the infinitive phrase 'places to see' for conciseness. Tense is present simple for general truth, so keep present simple. Suggestion: place 'also' near the verb and prefer concise infinitive phrases.