Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler words (uh). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Try to vary vocabulary (e.g., ‘photogenic’ is not correct for the speaker — use ‘fond of photography’ or ‘enjoy taking photos’). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photographs of different views. I often visit local parks and gardens because I find natural scenes calming and inspiring. For example, photographing a quiet lakeside helps me relax after a busy week.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and support it with specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition (repeating ‘rural areas’ many times) and correct word choice (‘ruler’ → ‘rural’). Use a variety of vocabulary to describe scenery and urban contrasts.

例: I prefer rural views because I grew up there and I enjoy open landscapes and greenery. For instance, rural areas often have parks, fields and traditional gardens, whereas cities are dominated by tall buildings and crowded streets.

提案: Begin with a clear position (own country or other countries) and provide specific examples with linking words. Avoid hesitations and incomplete sentences. Mention particular features (historic architecture, desert landscapes) to add precision and use correct place names (Jaipur and Jaisalmer).

例: I prefer the views in my own country. India offers diverse scenery and historic architecture; for example, Jaipur’s pink palaces and Jaisalmer’s sandstone forts create striking views that I love to photograph.

× I really like to take pictures of different views.

✓ I really like taking pictures of different views.

After like, both 'to' infinitive and '-ing' forms can be used, but 'like taking' is more natural when describing a hobby or habitual action. Use 'taking' to emphasize the activity as a general preference.

× I am a photogenic person uh, because whenever I go to visit parks in my free time, I really admire the nature and the environment.

✓ I am a person who likes photography, because whenever I visit parks in my free time, I really admire nature and the environment.

'Photogenic' describes someone who looks good in photos, not someone who likes taking photos. 'Go to visit' is redundant; use 'visit'. 'The nature' is incorrect—'nature' as a general noun does not need 'the'. The corrected sentence uses appropriate vocabulary and removes redundancy.

× It really relaxes my mind and it really, uh, helps me to stay calm uh, because of my busy, busy schedules.

✓ It really relaxes my mind and helps me stay calm because of my busy schedule.

Use singular 'schedule' unless you mean multiple different schedules. 'Helps me to stay' can be simplified to 'helps me stay'. Remove repeated words 'busy, busy' for formality and clarity.

× So that's why I really like to take pictures of.

✓ So that's why I really like taking pictures.

The phrasal verb 'take pictures of' requires an object (what you take pictures of); here the object is implicit (views). Removing 'of' makes the sentence complete and natural. Also change to 'taking' for consistency with habitual action.

× Basically, I am from a rural area, so I prefer views in the rural areas because according to my perspective, ruler areas have great scenic views because in the rural areas there are lots of parks and there are lots of gardens and uh, as compared to the urban areas, the urban areas are really filled with the uh, lots of tall buildings.

✓ Basically, I am from a rural area, so I prefer rural views because, in my opinion, rural areas have great scenery. There are many parks and gardens, while urban areas are filled with tall buildings.

Errors include 'ruler' (typo for 'rural'), repetitive phrases ('in the rural areas'), awkward 'according to my perspective' (use 'in my opinion'), and wordy repetition. 'Scenic views' is acceptable but 'scenery' is more natural here. Simplify clauses and remove filler words.

× I am from India and I really like the views from my country because in my country there are lots of places to visit.

✓ I am from India, and I really like the views in my country because there are many places to visit.

Use a comma before 'and' to join clauses. 'Views from my country' is slightly awkward; 'views in my country' is more natural. Replace 'lots of' with 'many' for more formal spoken English.

× Like uh, I will talk about the Jaipur. Jaipur has lot of historic buildings and the views in the Jaipur Jaisalmer areas are really good.

✓ For example, I will talk about Jaipur. Jaipur has a lot of historic buildings, and the views in Jaipur and Jaisalmer are really beautiful.

Do not use 'the' before city names (remove 'the' before Jaipur). Use 'a lot of' (include 'a'). Use 'and' to connect place names, not 'the Jaipur Jaisalmer areas'. 'Really good' is colloquial; 'really beautiful' is clearer. Also replace filler 'uh' and 'Like' with 'For example'.

× And it is the uh.

✓ And it is very picturesque.

The original fragment 'And it is the uh.' is incomplete and lacks a clear idea (sentence without a verb or object). Provide a complete adjective phrase such as 'very picturesque' to finish the thought and match the context of describing views.