Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organise your answer with a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Reduce repetition and avoid unclear phrasing (for example, "I feel really loved and soothing" is unnatural). Use linking words like "because" or "for example" to connect ideas. Aim for 2–3 sentences, and include a specific example of a place or type of scene you photograph.

例: Yes — I love taking photos of different views because it’s one of my favourite hobbies. For example, I often go with friends to nearby hills and lakes to capture sunrise scenes; these photos are special mementos that help me relax and feel closer to nature.

提案: Start with a clear direct statement (topic sentence) then give one specific reason and one brief example. Avoid filler words like "well" and "so and". Use a linking word (because, so, for example) to make the explanation coherent. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use precise vocabulary (e.g., "countryside", "farmland").

例: I prefer rural views because I enjoy being surrounded by nature. For example, I like photographing green fields and rows of corn on the countryside with my friends, which makes the scenes feel peaceful and colourful.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and avoid hesitation sounds (uh, well). Provide one concise reason and one specific supporting example, describing it clearly. Correct any inaccurate or unclear references (e.g., use correct place names and say what you mean by "these are very..."). Keep to 2–3 sentences and finish your thought with a complete idea.

例: I prefer views in my own country at the moment because I haven’t travelled abroad. For instance, places like Hepburn National Park are famous for their dramatic peaks and fairy meadows, which I would love to photograph because of their unique landscapes.

× Yes I do love taking pictures of different views, it's a part of my hobby.

✓ Yes, I do love taking pictures of different views; it's part of my hobby.

This sentence joins two independent clauses with just a comma (comma splice). Use a semicolon, a period, or a coordinating conjunction to join them correctly. Also add a comma after 'Yes' and remove the article 'a' before 'part' to make the phrase idiomatic. Suggestion: Use 'Yes, I do love...' and then ';' or '.' before 'it's part of my hobby.'

× I go outside with my friends to far off places to enjoy different views and click pictures with them as the mementos and I feel really loved and soothing because it brings close to nature as I go.

✓ I go out with my friends to far-off places to enjoy different views and take pictures as mementos, and I feel relaxed and happy because being there brings me closer to nature.

Multiple issues: 'go outside' is acceptable but 'go out' is more natural with places; 'far off' should be hyphenated as 'far-off' when used as an adjective; 'click pictures' is informal—use 'take pictures'; 'with them as the mementos' is unclear—use 'as mementos'; 'feel really loved and soothing' is incorrect: 'loved' is passive and not intended, 'soothing' is an adjective describing things, not the speaker's feeling. Use 'feel relaxed and happy'; 'it brings close to nature as I go' lacks subject and correct structure—use 'being there brings me closer to nature.' Break into clearer clauses and use commas for clarity.

× Well, I prefer views in rural areas because it is close to nature and I go there with my friends and fellows to enjoy nature like green fields and corn fields.

✓ Well, I prefer views in rural areas because they are close to nature, and I go there with my friends to enjoy scenes such as green fields and cornfields.

Pronoun agreement: 'views' is plural, so use 'they are' instead of 'it is.' 'Fellows' is redundant and informal; use 'friends' or 'companions.' 'Like' should be 'such as' when giving examples. 'Corn fields' is commonly written as 'cornfields.' Ensure plural agreement and clearer word choice.

× So and I take pictures.

✓ So I take pictures there.

This fragment 'So and I take pictures.' is awkward and ungrammatical. Remove 'and' and place adverbial 'there' to clarify location: 'So I take pictures there.' Keep sentences concise.

× Uh, well, I prefer, uh, scenes in my own country right now because I haven't been abroad.

✓ Well, I prefer scenes in my own country right now because I haven't been abroad.

Grammar is mostly correct but remove filler 'uh' and extra commas for fluency. Tense usage is correct: 'prefer' (present) and 'haven't been' (present perfect) to indicate experience up to now. Suggestion: avoid fillers and extra punctuation for clearer speech.

× In my country, there are several areas of immense beauty.

✓ In my country there are several areas of immense beauty.

Remove the comma after the introductory phrase for smoother flow; sentence is otherwise correct. Introductory commas are optional, but unnecessary here. Keep sentence natural in spoken response.

× Like in my country, uh, Hepburn is, uh, really known for his beautiful peaks and, uh, fairy meadows.

✓ For example, in my country Hepburn is really known for its beautiful peaks and Fairy Meadows.

Use 'its' to refer to a place (neuter), not 'his.' Remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary commas. Capitalize 'Fairy Meadows' if it is a proper name. Use 'for example' instead of 'Like' to start a formal sentence. Ensure correct pronoun for non-person entities.

× Uh, these are very.

✓ These places are very beautiful.

The original is an incomplete sentence ('These are very.'), missing an adjective. Provide the missing adjective to complete the thought: 'These places are very beautiful.' Remove filler 'uh' for clarity.