Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler words (e.g., "umm", repeated phrases), and add one specific detail or example. Use linking words to connect ideas. Also control tense and word choice (e.g., "I enjoy scrolling through my photos because they remind me of special trips").

例: I enjoy taking photos of different views because I travel a lot and love capturing memorable scenes. For example, after a trip to the coast I often scroll through my pictures to relive the calm sunsets, which makes me feel relaxed and happy.

提案: Begin with a clear preference sentence, avoid pronunciation errors and repetition, and give one or two specific reasons with linking words (e.g., "because", "for example"). Improve clarity by using correct nouns and avoid vague phrases. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: I prefer views in rural areas because they often feel more peaceful and unique. For example, rolling hills and traditional villages offer textures and colours that city streets rarely provide, so they make better subjects for photography.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, avoid hesitations and unclear words (e.g., "diffusing", "few over the ocean"), and explain why with a specific contrast. Use cohesive linking words like "because" and "for example" and provide one clear example of what makes foreign views special.

例: I prefer views in other countries because they often offer new landscapes and cultural scenes that I am not used to. For instance, having grown up in the Alps, mountain scenery feels familiar to me, but coastal sunsets or desert dunes abroad feel more exciting and memorable.

× Oh, I love taking pictures of different views because I love to travel and I travel a lot and I've seen the most amazing views and I just like when I'm back, when I'm back at home, I just like scrolling through the pictures because umm, I get this emotional feeling when I when I see pictures of nice views and that's what I really like taking pictures.

✓ Oh, I love taking pictures of different views because I love to travel and I travel a lot, and I've seen the most amazing views. I just like, when I'm back home, scrolling through the pictures because I get an emotional feeling when I see pictures of nice views, and that's why I really like taking pictures.

Run-on structure and repetition make the sentence unclear; also unnecessary repetition of 'when I'm back' and 'I' creates awkwardness. Break into shorter sentences, remove duplicate phrases, and use 'that's why' to link cause and effect. Use 'an emotional feeling' for natural English and place gerund phrases correctly (e.g., 'scrolling through the pictures').

× I really like fuse in rural areas because I think they're just unique and I I also in my opinion urban areas are not as nice as the rural areas so that's why I think umm rural areas are much better than umm areas for pictures.

✓ I really like scenes in rural areas because I think they're unique. In my opinion, urban areas are not as nice as rural areas, so I think rural areas are much better for pictures.

The original contains misused word 'fuse' likely intended as 'scenes' and repeated pronoun 'they're' is acceptable but the sentence structure is awkward. Replace incorrect word, remove repeated 'I', and correct redundant phrases ('the rural areas' → 'rural areas') for natural pronoun and noun use. Also add commas for clarity and remove filler words.

× That's an that's a very easy question in other countries because I, I think I'm used to diffusing my own country.

✓ That's a very easy question: I prefer other countries because I think I'm used to seeing my own country.

The original has fragmented and unclear phrasing ('used to diffusing my own country' is ungrammatical). Replace 'used to diffusing' with 'used to seeing' or 'familiar with' to convey the intended meaning. Use a colon to connect the response to the explanation and remove repeated 'I'.

× I'm from the Alps, so that's why it's nothing special to me anymore.

✓ I'm from the Alps, so it's not special to me anymore.

Phrase 'that's why it's nothing special to me anymore' is wordy and uses unnecessary 'that's why' plus 'it's'. Simplify to 'so it's not special to me anymore' for correct preposition and natural expression of cause and effect.

× But I think in other countries it's just unique and more thrilling to enjoy the few over the ocean or something.

✓ But I think in other countries it's more unique and thrilling to enjoy the view over the ocean or something.

Original has word 'few' which is incorrect; should be 'view'. Also 'just unique' is awkward; 'more unique and thrilling' fits comparative context. 'Enjoy the view over the ocean' is the correct noun phrase. Replace incorrect adjective usage and wrong noun for clarity.