Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce fillers (uh), make the response more concise and direct, use a clear topic sentence and one or two supporting details. Mention a specific reason and an example to make it more vivid. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and avoid repetition.

例: Yes. I really enjoy photographing landscapes because I’m not comfortable taking selfies and find them limiting. For example, when I travel I often take pictures of mountains or lakes to preserve the memory and show friends later.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words (for example, because, furthermore). Replace vague adjectives with precise descriptions and avoid redundancy (e.g., "beautiful" and "mesmerizing" together).

例: I prefer rural views to urban ones because the countryside offers wide green fields and clear mountain scenery. For example, I enjoy mornings in rural areas when mist settles over the hills and the landscape feels peaceful and unpolluted.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence then give two specific supporting details or examples. Remove filler words (umm) and finish sentences fully. Mention why those places are special (e.g., unique features or personal connection) and keep to 3–4 sentences.

例: I prefer the scenery in my own country because I feel a strong personal connection to the landscapes. For example, Mustang and Manang have dramatic hill vistas, and Pokhara offers stunning mountain reflections on the lake, which always remind me of home.

× Yes, I am quite fond of uh, taking pictures of the views and scenarios because, uh, I am very bad at taking selfies and I think it's quite limited.

✓ Yes, I am quite fond of taking pictures of views and scenes because I am very bad at taking selfies and I think they are quite limiting.

The phrase 'the views and scenarios' is awkward; 'scenes' is better. 'Taking pictures of the views and scenarios' uses correct -ing form, but 'the views' and 'scenarios' redundancy removed. 'It is quite limited' incorrectly uses singular pronoun for plural idea; changed to 'they are quite limiting' to match plural and use adjective 'limiting' to describe selfies. Suggestion: Use 'taking pictures of views and scenes' and ensure pronoun and adjective agree in number and meaning.

× And whenever I travel to different destination, I would prefer to click pictures so that it will help me to, uh, keep the memory forever.

✓ Whenever I travel to different destinations, I prefer to take pictures so that they will help me keep the memories forever.

Use plural 'destinations' for general statement (Singular and plural issue). 'Would prefer' suggests conditional; simple present 'prefer' fits habitual action. 'Click pictures' is informal; 'take pictures' is standard. 'It will help me to keep the memory' uses singular pronoun 'it' for plural; changed to 'they will help me keep the memories' and removed unnecessary 'to'. Suggestion: Use present simple for habits, plural nouns for general statements, and match pronouns to their antecedents.

× In my opinion, I prefer rural areas compared to urban areas because the views in the rural area are very beautiful and mesmerizing with greenery all around the environment and with a lot of beautiful scenarios of mountains and hills.

✓ In my opinion, I prefer rural areas to urban areas because the views in rural areas are very beautiful and mesmerizing, with greenery all around and many scenic views of mountains and hills.

Use 'prefer X to Y' not 'prefer X compared to Y'. Avoid repeating 'area/areas' inconsistently; use plural for generalization. 'Greenery all around the environment' is wordy; 'greenery all around' is natural. 'Beautiful scenarios' is awkward; 'scenic views' is better. Suggestion: Use the correct preposition 'to' after 'prefer', keep number agreement, and simplify phrases for natural expression.

× I prefer scenery of my own country because the my country is full of greenery and a lot of beautiful scenic places such as Mustang Manang where we can see the views of hills and Pokhara where we can see the views of mountains umm reflecting the light of.

✓ I prefer the scenery of my own country because my country is full of greenery and many beautiful scenic places, such as Mustang and Manang, where we can see hills, and Pokhara, where we can see mountains reflecting the light.

Remove the extra definite article 'the' before 'my country'. Use 'the scenery' when referring to a specific set of scenery. Use commas to separate items and correct place names 'Mustang and Manang'. 'A lot of' replaced by 'many' for formality. 'Views of hills' simplified to 'see hills'. Ending 'reflecting the light of' was incomplete; completed as 'reflecting the light'. Suggestion: Check use of definite articles, list punctuation, and complete sentence elements; use more natural collocations like 'see hills' and 'mountains reflecting the light'.