Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and precise. Start with a concise topic sentence, then add one or two clear supporting details using linking words. Avoid vague phrases like “moon moods” unless you explain them. Use varied but appropriate vocabulary (e.g., “atmosphere,” “tones,” “lighting”).

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views because landscapes often have striking colors and lighting. For example, I love shooting sunsets since the warm tones and soft light create a peaceful atmosphere and interesting silhouettes.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then support it with specific reasons and a linking word. Avoid repetition (e.g., “they have”) and correct awkward phrases like “fresh day.” Use concrete examples—mention sounds, smells, or activities that show why rural views appeal to you.

例: I prefer rural views because the countryside offers peaceful natural scenery and cleaner air. For instance, I enjoy watching sunsets over fields where the silence and birdsong make the scene more relaxing and photogenic.

提案: Make a direct topic sentence and explain reasons with clear linking words. Fix grammar (e.g., “it holds memories” → “they hold memories for me”) and avoid fragmentary phrases. Give specific memories or cultural details to make your answer convincing.

例: I prefer views in my own country because they feel familiar and evoke personal memories. For example, visiting my hometown’s coastline reminds me of family picnics and local festivals, and the traditional architecture adds cultural charm to the scenery.

× Yes, I like snapping photos because of different landscapes.

✓ Yes, I like snapping photos of different landscapes.

The phrase 'because of different landscapes' is incorrect here; 'because of' should be followed by a noun phrase that indicates a reason (e.g., 'because of the landscapes'), but the intended meaning is 'taking photos of landscapes.' Use the gerund 'snapping photos of different landscapes' to show the object of the verb 'snapping.' Suggestion: say 'I like snapping photos of different landscapes.'

× I love the color and the moon moods they create, especially taking photos of sunsets and nature scenes.

✓ I love the colors and the moods they create, especially when I take photos of sunsets and natural scenes.

There are several issues: 'the color' should be plural 'the colors' to match 'moods' created; 'the moon moods' is unclear—likely 'the moods' created by light or moonlight; 'especially taking photos' is a dangling participle. Use 'especially when I take photos' to clarify the subject. Also 'nature scenes' is better as 'natural scenes.' Suggestion: rephrase to 'I love the colors and the moods they create, especially when I take photos of sunsets and natural scenes.'

× I prefer rural areas because they have stunning sunsets and they have peaceful natural scenery and I enjoy the fresh day.

✓ I prefer rural areas because they have stunning sunsets and peaceful natural scenery, and I enjoy the fresh air.

'Natural scenery' is uncountable and fine, but repeating 'they have' is redundant; more importantly 'the fresh day' is incorrect—English uses 'fresh air' to express pleasant outdoor atmosphere. Combine clauses with a comma and conjunction to improve flow. Suggestion: '...peaceful natural scenery, and I enjoy the fresh air.'

× I prefer in my own country because they are familiar to me and it holds memories because of.

✓ I prefer my own country because its places are familiar to me and it holds memories for me.

The original 'I prefer in my own country' incorrectly uses the preposition 'in'; we say 'I prefer my own country' or 'I prefer to stay in my own country.' 'They are familiar to me' is vague—use 'its places are familiar to me.' The phrase 'it holds memories because of' is ungrammatical and has an incorrect preposition; use 'it holds memories for me' or 'it brings back memories.' Suggestion: 'I prefer my own country because its places are familiar to me and it holds memories for me.'

× The culture and the stunning things.

✓ I also appreciate the culture and the beautiful sights.

This fragment 'The culture and the stunning things.' is not a complete sentence—it lacks a verb and connection to the previous sentence. It should be integrated with the prior sentence or rewritten as a complete clause. Also 'stunning things' is vague; 'beautiful sights' or 'stunning sights' is more natural. Suggestion: combine with previous sentence: '...and I also appreciate the culture and the beautiful sights.'