Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations and repetition, and add one specific detail about a memorable photo. Use a linking phrase to introduce the example. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I love photographing different views. For example, last year when I travelled around China, I took many photos in Beijing, including a sunrise shot of the Forbidden City that captured the morning mist and warm light.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then provide specific reasons with linking words. Avoid repetition and vague phrases like “advantages” without details. Limit to 2–3 concise sentences.

例: I prefer rural views because they are quieter and more scenic. For instance, the open fields and traditional houses let me capture natural light and peaceful scenes, which I find more relaxing than crowded city streets.

提案: Give a direct answer and expand with two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid short fragments and unclear wording; explain what makes foreign views special with an example. Keep responses well-formed sentences.

例: I prefer views in other countries because they offer different cultures and landscapes to discover. For example, travelling abroad lets me photograph unique architecture and try local foods, making the trips more memorable and inspiring for my photography.

× For example, uh, last year I when I was, when I was traveling around to China, I took a lot of photos from the different views in Beijing.

✓ For example, last year when I was traveling around China, I took a lot of photos of different views in Beijing.

The sentence has unnecessary repetitions and incorrect preposition 'from' with 'photos'. Remove the repeated phrase 'I when I was, when I was' and use 'of' for what photos depict. Also remove the article 'the' before 'different views' because it is not specific. Suggestion: 'For example, last year when I was traveling around China, I took a lot of photos of different views in Beijing.'

× I do prefer rural areas views because rural areas are there are a lot of many advantages of advantages in rural areas.

✓ 'I prefer rural views because there are many advantages in rural areas.'

This sentence repeats ideas and misuses quantifiers 'a lot of' and 'many' together and contains redundant phrases ('are there are', 'advantages of advantages'). Simplify by choosing one quantifier ('many') and correct noun phrase order: 'rural views' or 'views in rural areas'. Also place 'there are' before the quantifier. Suggestion: 'I prefer rural views because there are many advantages in rural areas.'

× Other countries because they may offer a lot. To explore, adventure and try local foods and memorable.

✓ 'I prefer other countries because they offer a lot of opportunities to explore, have adventures, try local foods, and create memorable experiences.'

This response is a sentence fragment and has incorrect parallel structure. 'Because they may offer a lot.' is vague and followed by fragments 'To explore, adventure and try local foods and memorable.' Use a full main clause and make the list parallel: 'opportunities to explore, have adventures, try local foods, and create memorable experiences.' Also replace 'memorable' (adjective) with a noun phrase 'memorable experiences.' Ensure tense and meaning match the question. Suggestion: 'I prefer other countries because they offer a lot of opportunities to explore, have adventures, try local foods, and create memorable experiences.'