Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Try to replace vague phrases like "other people" with a specific audience (e.g., "my friends" or "followers").

例: Yes. I enjoy photographing nature, especially sunsets and landscapes, because their colors and shapes relax me. For example, I often capture evening skies and post them on my Instagram to share with friends.

提案: Avoid repeating phrases and unfinished sentences. Give one clear reason, support it with a specific detail, and use linking words (e.g., "because", "for example"). Remove off-topic remarks like "other people might disagree" unless you expand on them. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: I prefer rural views because the open fields and rolling hills feel peaceful. For example, I often watch golden sunsets over farmland, which I find more calming than busy cityscapes.

提案: Avoid filler phrases and complete your thoughts. Give a concise topic sentence, one clear reason, and a specific example. Use correct collocations (e.g., "photographing in other countries") and remove repeated words. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer photographing views in other countries because I enjoy discovering new landscapes and cultures. For instance, I loved capturing coastal villages in Portugal last year because their colors and architecture were completely different from what I see at home.

× I do love taking photographs of nature, especially sunsets and landscapes.

✓ I do love taking photographs of nature, especially sunsets and landscapes.

'taking photographs' is correct gerund use; no change needed. Ensure continuous preference is expressed with 'do love' for emphasis.'

× It just gives me comfort and therefore it makes me want to take more photos to share online and to share with friends and other people.

✓ It just gives me comfort, and therefore it makes me want to take more photos to share online and with friends.

Run-on and redundancy: 'and therefore' connects two clauses—use a comma before 'and' to join them. 'to share with friends and other people' is redundant; simplify to 'with friends'. This improves clarity and conciseness.'

× In my opinion, I prefer views in rural areas because, as I said, I prefer looking at the white landscapes of rural areas.

✓ In my opinion, I prefer views in rural areas because, as I said, I prefer looking at the white landscapes of the countryside.

Repetition and word choice: 'rural areas' repeated is stylistically weak. 'The countryside' is a natural noun phrase; include definite article 'the' before 'countryside' to refer to that general concept.'

× Also the sunsets, the view there is breathtaking.

✓ Also, the sunsets and the views there are breathtaking.

Subject-verb agreement and sentence fragmentation: original mixes singular and plural awkwardly. Use plural 'views' to match 'sunsets' and plural verb 'are'. Adding 'and' combines items into a clear coordinated subject.'

× It's comforting.

✓ It is comforting.

Contraction is acceptable in speech; no grammatical error. Expanded form 'It is comforting' is slightly more formal but both are correct.'

× So that's the view that I prefer.

✓ So that's the view I prefer.

Relative pronoun 'that' is optional; omitting it makes the sentence more natural in spoken English. No grammatical error either way.'

× Other people might disagree, but.

✓ Other people might disagree, though.

Sentence fragment ending with 'but.' Use 'though' to finish the thought or complete the clause after 'but' with another clause. 'Other people might disagree, though' is a complete sentence.

× Taking photographs on other countries is comforting as I've already seen all the views in my country.

✓ Taking photographs in other countries is comforting, as I've already seen most of the views in my country.

Preposition: use 'in' with countries, not 'on'. Also 'all the views' is unlikely—'most of the views' is more natural. Add a comma before 'as' when it introduces a reason clause.'

× So looking at different cultures and and views and other natures it just.

✓ So looking at different cultures, views, and natural landscapes is refreshing.

Multiple issues: repeated 'and and', awkward phrase 'other natures', and sentence fragment 'it just.' Combine items with commas and use a clear main verb ('is refreshing') to complete the sentence. 'Natural landscapes' is a clear substitute for 'other natures.'