Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and correct grammar (e.g., 'I photograph the mountains and greenery with my friends').

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views because photography is a hobby of mine. For example, when I go hiking I often take photos of mountains and green valleys with my friends, which helps me preserve memories and share them later.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and use linking words to structure reasons. Fix grammar and avoid wordiness: use concise phrases like 'less crowded', 'fewer buildings', 'less traffic'. Give one specific example to support your preference.

例: I prefer rural views because they are less crowded and quieter. For instance, in the countryside I can photograph wide open fields and small houses without busy streets or heavy traffic, which makes composing shots much easier.

提案: Start with a direct answer, then give specific examples and use linking words for clarity. Avoid vague phrases like 'all the main things' and reduce repetition. Mention one or two contrasting details about other countries if relevant.

例: I prefer the views in my own country because it offers a wide variety of landscapes. For example, we have peaceful mountain ranges and lush green valleys as well as deserts, so I can choose calm, scenic locations close to home without traveling abroad.

× I like to take pictures of different views as photography is one of my hobbies and I like to record the memories and different things.

✓ I like to take pictures of different views because photography is one of my hobbies and I like recording memories and different things.

Use 'because' for reason instead of 'as' for clearer causal connection. Use the gerund 'recording' after 'like' when referring to activities in general. Suggestion: use 'like recording' rather than 'like to record' for naturalness in this context.

× Like whenever I go on the track I catch the image of the mountains and the greenery and the place me with my friends.

✓ Whenever I go hiking, I capture images of the mountains, the greenery, and the places I visit with my friends.

Sentence had informal 'Like' and incorrect phrase 'go on the track' and 'catch the image' and 'the place me with my friends'. Replace 'Like' with nothing or 'Whenever', use 'go hiking' or 'go on a trail', use 'capture images' or 'take pictures', and correct word order to 'places I visit with my friends'. This fixes sentence structure and makes it coherent.

× I prefer the views in rural areas because they are less congested and the very low buildings there and the population is also very low in the rural size in compared to urban areas where the places, the houses and the location is very congested and have a lot of population, more traffics and lots of noise.

✓ I prefer views in rural areas because they are less congested, the buildings are lower, and the population is much smaller compared to urban areas, where places and houses are very crowded, there is heavy traffic, and there is a lot of noise.

Original contains awkward adjective/adverb use: 'the very low buildings there' should be 'the buildings are lower' and 'the population is also very low in the rural size' is incorrect. Also 'more traffics' is wrong pluralization and word choice. Correct adjectives and adverb phrases for clarity: 'much smaller', 'lower', 'very crowded', 'heavy traffic', 'a lot of noise'.

× ...where the places, the houses and the location is very congested and have a lot of population...

✓ ...where places, houses, and locations are very congested and have large populations...

Subject list 'places, houses and locations' is plural so verb must be 'are' not 'is'. Also 'have a lot of population' is incorrect; use 'have large populations' or 'are densely populated'. Ensure subject-verb agreement with plural subjects.

× Yes, I do really prefer the views in my country because we have all the main things like the mountains, the greeneries, the deserts, everything, which makes me feel very calm and relaxed when I visit the mountains and even if I visit the greenery area in my country, then it is very peaceful.

✓ Yes, I really prefer the views in my country because we have many natural features like mountains, greenery, and deserts, which make me feel calm and relaxed when I visit them; even visiting green areas in my country is very peaceful.

Articles and word choice are awkward: 'the greeneries' and 'the deserts' are unnatural; use 'greenery' (uncountable) and 'deserts' (plural without 'the' unless specific). 'All the main things' is vague; use 'many natural features'. Verb agreement: 'which make me' (plural antecedent) not 'makes'. Remove unnecessary 'then'. Suggestions: use 'visit them' for clarity and correct article usage.