Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve clarity, grammar and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fragments and filler words, and use correct verb forms. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and specific descriptions (e.g., ‘from a low angle’ or ‘from above’) to make your answer natural and effective. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views. I often experiment with angles by holding my phone high or shooting from a low angle because changing the viewpoint can make a simple scene look more dramatic. For example, I like shooting twilight scenes from a low angle to capture the sky and reflections in the foreground.

提案: Make sentences grammatically correct and more specific. Start with a clear preference or balanced view, then explain why using linking words (for example, however, because). Replace vague phrases with concrete examples (e.g., ‘city skylines at sunset’ or ‘rolling fields at dawn’). Keep answer concise and cohesive.

例: I don't have a strong preference because both urban and rural views appeal to me. Urban scenes, like skyline silhouettes at sunset, offer dramatic shapes, while rural landscapes, such as misty fields at dawn, provide soft light and textures, so I choose based on the mood I want to capture.

提案: Clarify your main point and eliminate hesitations and redundant words. State your preference clearly, give specific emotional reasons and a concrete example from your country, then acknowledge interest in foreign landscapes. Use linking words (because, although) and correct sentence structure.

例: I prefer views in my own country because they evoke strong personal memories and emotions, such as the coastal cliffs where I grew up. However, I also admire landscapes in other countries for their unique features, like the alpine scenery in Switzerland, which inspires me in different ways.

× Taking pictures. Yes I do.

✓ I enjoy taking pictures.

Sentence fragment and awkward use of a gerund as a standalone reply. Use a full clause with the gerund as object ('enjoy taking pictures') to make a complete, natural response.

× I usually like to hold my phone high and expand with different angles to get interesting compositions, because changing the viewpoints can make a simple sense look more dramatic.

✓ I usually hold my phone high and experiment with different angles to get interesting compositions, because changing viewpoints can make a simple scene look more dramatic.

Wrong verb choice 'expand' should be 'experiment' to express trying different angles; 'viewpoints' doesn't need 'the'; 'sense' is incorrect word choice and should be 'scene'. Also remove unnecessary 'to' after 'usually' and simplify structure for clarity.

× For example, I often quite low or short from above the twilight pattern and save in the landscape.

✓ For example, I often shoot from low or high angles to capture twilight patterns and save the images as landscapes.

Original is ungrammatical and unclear. Replace vague words ('quite low or short') with 'low or high angles', use 'shoot' for taking photos, and clarify object ('capture twilight patterns' and 'save the images as landscapes'). This fixes sentence structure and word choice.

× Both cities gave in.

✓ Both cities do.

'Gave in' is incorrect idiom here. The student likely meant both are acceptable; a simple present 'Both cities do' agrees with plural subject and matches conversational context.

× Countryside landscape offer different angle, lighting and texture that helped me to capture moods and express emotions in my pictures.

✓ Countryside landscapes offer different angles, lighting, and textures that help me capture moods and express emotions in my pictures.

Plural noun 'landscapes' needed to match 'offer'; use plural forms for 'angles' and 'textures'; 'help' should be present tense to match habitual action; remove extra 'to' after 'help'. Add commas in a list for clarity.

× I prefer views in my own country because they have they bring me kind of like strong emotional UMM in different angles and different settings.

✓ I prefer views in my own country because they bring me strong emotions through different angles and settings.

Redundant and incorrect pronoun 'they have they bring' should be a single verb phrase 'they bring'. Remove filler 'kind of like' and 'UMM'. Use 'strong emotions' rather than 'emotional' as a noun form and simplify 'different angles and settings'.

× And however I also admire landscape in other countries as well for their unique nature features.

✓ However, I also admire landscapes in other countries for their unique natural features.

Don't use both 'and' and 'however' together; start with 'However' or 'And' but not both. Use plural 'landscapes' to match 'other countries'; 'nature features' is incorrect—use the adjective 'natural' with 'features'. Remove redundant 'as well'.