Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you like taking pictures, then give one or two specific supporting details (what you photograph, when, or why). Avoid vague or confusing phrases and reduce repetition. Use linking words if adding details.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. For example, a few years ago I worked as a photographer for some teachers and I used my own camera and lighting equipment. That experience helped me learn how to compose shots and made photography a real pleasure for me.

提案: Give a clear preference and support it with specific reasons. Use coherent linking words (for example, because, therefore, and also). Avoid fillers and unclear phrases. Describe what you like about rural or urban views with concrete details (sounds, colors, activities).

例: I prefer rural views because I feel more connected to nature. For instance, I enjoy the open fields, fresh air, and quiet sounds of birds, which help me relax and feel peaceful. Also, the natural scenery often inspires my photos more than busy city scenes.

提案: Clearly state your preference and explain reasons with specific comparisons. Avoid repeating phrases like "to be honest" and unclear statements. Use linking words to balance both views (for example, although, however). Mention particular features you appreciate at home and abroad.

例: I generally prefer views in other countries because I enjoy discovering new landscapes and cultures. However, I also love the scenery in my hometown—its countryside and familiar coastlines—so I don't miss those. For example, abroad I like unusual architecture and mountain ranges, whereas at home I appreciate the peaceful rural fields and family memories tied to them.

× Some years ago I was taking some teachers like a photographer.

✓ Some years ago I used to take pictures of some teachers like a photographer.

The original sentence uses 'was taking' which suggests a continuous action in the past but not the habitual meaning intended. Use 'used to' + base verb to describe a past habit. Also 'take pictures of' is the correct collocation instead of 'taking some teachers'. Suggestion: Use 'used to take pictures of' for past habitual actions.

× I had my personal camera lighting and it was my pleasure for me.

✓ I had my personal camera and lighting, and it was a pleasure for me.

The phrase 'camera lighting' is unclear; separate items with 'camera and lighting' if both are meant. 'It was my pleasure for me' is redundant: use 'it was a pleasure for me' or simply 'it was my pleasure.' Also include the article 'a' before 'pleasure.' Suggestion: Simplify to 'it was a pleasure' or 'it was a pleasure for me.'

× I prefer to use like ordinary is 'cause it's nature, uh, and uh, I have connection with either with trans big nature and it's really great.

✓ I prefer ordinary places because they are natural, and I feel connected to the vast outdoors; it's really great.

The original has unclear pronoun and determiner use ('use like ordinary is', 'with either with'). Corrected version uses clear pronouns and plural agreement ('places... they are') and clearer vocabulary ('vast outdoors'). Ensure subject-pronoun agreement and remove filler words. Suggestion: Keep subjects and pronouns clear and avoid filler words like 'uh'.

× It has, uh, emotions.

✓ They have emotions.

The intended subject is likely 'places' or 'views' (plural), so the verb should be plural 'have' not 'has.' Use 'they' to refer to plural noun mentioned earlier. Suggestion: Match verb number to the subject (singular/plural).

× To be honest, I prefer foreign countries because it's far from me and it's more likely for me.

✓ To be honest, I prefer foreign countries because they are far from me and more appealing to me.

'It's far from me' uses singular 'it' while referring to 'foreign countries' (plural). Also 'more likely for me' is incorrect collocation; 'more appealing to me' or 'more attractive to me' conveys intended meaning. Ensure pronoun number matches noun and use appropriate adjective. Suggestion: Use plural pronouns for plural nouns and choose correct adjectives ('appealing', 'attractive').

× But to be honest, I love my country, my countryside, uh, my hometown and the nature, uh, they are, so I don't miss this.

✓ But to be honest, I love my country, the countryside, my hometown, and the nature there, so I don't miss them.

The original mixes singular and plural ('they are, so I don't miss this'). Correct pronouns must match antecedents: 'nature' and 'places' are plural in reference, so use 'them' and 'there' for location. Also list items with correct articles ('the countryside') and remove filler words. Suggestion: Use 'the countryside' and 'them' to refer back to multiple things; avoid saying 'this' for plural items.