Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, umm), correct grammar (e.g. "different views" not "a different views"), and add one specific supporting detail linked with a connector. Keep to 2–4 sentences and use varied vocabulary (e.g. "capture", "scenery").

例: I enjoy taking photos of different views, especially when I travel. For example, I like to capture coastal scenery at sunset because the warm light creates memorable colors. Also, I often try different angles to show the scale and atmosphere of a place.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and one or two specific reasons with a linking word. Remove hesitations and unclear references (e.g. "Albany" seems misplaced). Use precise adjectives (e.g. "tranquil", "lush"). Keep to 2–3 sentences for clarity.

例: I prefer rural views because I enjoy the lush greenery and the peaceful atmosphere. For instance, hill stations and mountain landscapes help me relax and take calmer, more expressive photographs.

提案: Give a direct answer first, then one specific reason and an example. Avoid repetition and hesitations; use varied vocabulary (e.g. "whether","regardless"). Mention a concrete example to support your point. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: I don't mind whether the view is in my own country or abroad because what matters is the quality of the scenery. For example, I particularly enjoy sunsets on beaches wherever I travel, as they produce striking colors that are perfect for photos.

× Yes, I do think, uh, I do take box pictures when, uh, from a different views, especially when I, when I'm travelling because I think taking pictures from different views are actually creating memories, umm, the way you see, uh, the nature and things around you and different views are different. Actually when you go to a urban area and take a picture from, uh.

✓ Yes, I do think, uh, I take photos from different views, especially when I'm travelling, because I think taking pictures from different views actually creates memories and shows the way you see nature and things around you. For example, when you go to an urban area and take a picture from different angles.

The original used incorrect present tense forms and redundant auxiliaries ('I do take', 'are actually creating') and mismatched pluralization ('a different views'). Use simple present or present continuous appropriately: 'I take' or 'I'm taking' for habitual actions and 'creates' for singular noun 'taking pictures... creates memories'. Also replace 'box pictures' with 'photos' and fix articles ('an urban area'). Suggestions: remove unnecessary 'do' unless for emphasis, match subject and verb tense, correct plural/singular forms, and use clear noun choices.

× I do prefer pictures from rural areas because of the greenery and the view it gives, especially the view from hill stations or from mountains, because, uh, the greenery actually plays a very huge role for uh, for me because I like, I'm a very calm and quiet person. So I think uh, being, uh, when, when you have a view from Albany.

✓ I prefer pictures of rural areas because of the greenery and the views they offer, especially views from hill stations or mountains, because the greenery plays a very important role for me since I am a calm and quiet person. For example, when you have a view from a balcony.

Problems include wrong prepositions ('pictures from rural areas' -> 'pictures of rural areas'), incorrect preposition 'from mountains' -> 'from mountains' acceptable but pattern better 'views from mountains', and wrong word 'Albany' likely intended 'balcony'. Also 'the view it gives' should match plural 'views they offer'. Replace informal filler and clarify. Suggestions: use 'of' for pictures depicting a place, ensure noun-pronoun agreement ('views... they'), and choose correct words ('balcony').

× Uh, for me, it doesn't matter from where I'm, uh, in which country I'm having the view. Actually, for me, uh, it's all about the view. How, how, uh, how I can enjoy the view, especially, umm, where I'm traveling. So, umm, wherever I go, if it's gives you a wonderful view like a sunset, uh, from, in a beach or a sunset, umm, in the middle.

✓ For me, it doesn't matter which country the view is in. Actually, it's all about how I can enjoy the view while I'm traveling. So wherever I go, if it gives a wonderful view, like a sunset on a beach or a sunset in the mountains, I enjoy it.

The original has awkward pronoun and clause structure ('from where I'm, in which country I'm having the view') and incorrect verb form 'if it's gives you'. Use 'which country the view is in' or 'which country the view comes from' for clarity. Also 'in a beach' should be 'on a beach', and 'in the middle' is vague; 'in the mountains' fits the contrast. Suggestions: simplify clauses, place pronouns next to their referents, correct verb agreement ('it gives'), and use correct prepositions for locations ('on a beach').