Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and filler words, organize response with a clear topic sentence and two supporting details, and use more precise vocabulary. For example, start with a direct statement, then briefly explain what you photograph and why. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing different scenes. I often take close-up photos of flowers, such as sunflowers, because I like their bright colors and patterns. I also photograph wildlife, especially birds, when I visit parks, as I find their behavior fascinating.

提案: Make the answer more fluent and grammatically accurate by using a clear topic sentence and one or two supporting reasons with linking words. Correct small errors (e.g., “have of green areas” → “have green spaces”) and avoid negatives without balance.

例: I definitely prefer rural views because they have more green spaces and open landscapes. For instance, I enjoy fields and orchards where I can see trees and wildlife, whereas cities often feel crowded with buildings and fewer natural sights.

提案: Clarify meaning and avoid unclear or repeated phrases (e.g., “permits” and “mile” are confusing). Give a concise reason and one specific example of what you like about your country’s views. Use smooth linking words and fewer hesitations.

例: I prefer the views in my own country because they connect me to my culture and memories. For example, in Egypt I love the Nile and the desert sunsets, which make me feel proud and peaceful whenever I visit them.

× I love taking pictures for plants, uh, for animals uh, whenever, uh, I see uh very beautiful flower like uh, sunflowers.

✓ I love taking pictures of plants and animals whenever I see very beautiful flowers like sunflowers.

Use 'taking pictures of' not 'for'. Use plural 'flowers' to match 'very beautiful' and general reference. Replace 'and' for smoother coordination and remove filler words. Ensure gerund 'taking' is followed by 'of' as the correct preposition.

× So I take a lot of pictures uh, for that kind of flowers and also for animals uh, especially, uh.

✓ So I take a lot of pictures of those kinds of flowers and also of animals, especially.

Use 'pictures of' rather than 'pictures for'. Use 'those kinds of' to refer back to previously mentioned types; 'kinds' should be plural when followed by plural noun 'flowers'. Also include 'of animals' for parallel structure.

× Definitely, I love views in the rural areas because they have of green areas, not like the urban areas but where there are a lot of buildings and you rarely see a lot of trees or palms anywhere.

✓ Definitely, I love views in rural areas because they have green spaces, unlike urban areas where there are many buildings and you rarely see many trees or palms.

Remove unnecessary definite article with general plural 'rural areas' and replace awkward phrase 'have of green areas' with 'have green spaces'. Use 'unlike urban areas' for contrast and 'where' to introduce the relative clause. Use 'many' rather than 'a lot of' for variety and correctness.

× It goes without saying that I prefer views in my country.

✓ It goes without saying that I prefer the views in my country.

This sentence is acceptable but adding 'the' before 'views' makes the noun phrase specific to the speaker's country. Present tense 'prefer' is correct; suggestion improves naturalness.

× I'm from Egypt, so we have the permits and it's just one permit permit around the world.

✓ I'm from Egypt, so we have unique customs and it is a special culture in the world.

Original sentence is unclear and repeats 'permit'. Likely intended meaning is pride in unique traditions or culture. 'Permits' is incorrect noun; replace with 'unique customs' or 'special culture'. Use 'a special culture in the world' to convey uniqueness. Keep present tense.

× Uh, so, uh, whenever I go there, I feel proud. I feel, uh, content and the mile as well, uh, whenever I feel that.

✓ So, whenever I go there, I feel proud and content; I also feel a sense of belonging.

Remove fillers and correct unclear phrase 'and the mile as well' which appears to be an error. Combine related ideas into one sentence for clarity and use a more natural expression 'a sense of belonging'. Maintain present tense.