Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more grammatical: start with a direct topic sentence, use correct verb forms, avoid filler words, and add one or two specific supporting details linked logically. Keep at most 3–4 short sentences. For example, correct tense (present simple for general habits), remove hesitations, and add a brief reason and an example.

例: I love taking pictures whenever I travel. Photographs help me keep memories and make me happy when I look back. For example, I often take landscape photos of mountains and beaches to remember each trip.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then add specific supporting details using linking words (because, so, for example). Correct article use and word order (e.g., 'rural areas' not 'the rural area'). Limit to 2–3 sentences and remove fillers.

例: I prefer views in rural areas because the peaceful atmosphere and natural surroundings relax me. For example, I can photograph fields and rivers without many people around, so I feel calm and focused.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence comparing the two, then explain your personal preference with specific reasons and avoid hesitations. Use correct grammar (e.g., 'every country has different beautiful scenery,' 'I prefer the views in Canada to those in Vietnam'). Keep it concise and add one concrete detail about winter scenes.

例: Every country has different kinds of beautiful scenery, but I prefer the views in Canada to those in Vietnam. The snowy winter landscapes in Canada — like frosted trees and frozen lakes — look magical to me, and I enjoy photographing them.

× I love taking picture whenever I go, especially when I was travel I will ring my phone to take a photo.

✓ I love taking pictures whenever I go; especially when I travel, I will ring my phone to take a photo.

The noun 'picture' should be plural 'pictures' to match the general activity (article error / plural). Also the clause 'when I was travel' mixes past form with base verb; replace with 'when I travel'. Punctuation adjusted for clarity. Suggestion: use present simple for habitual actions: 'I love taking pictures' and 'when I travel'.

× Taking a photo help me keep the memories and not only that it's make me feel happier when I boss umm my photo when I was.

✓ Taking photos helps me keep memories, and not only that, it makes me feel happier when I look at my photos.

Several issues: 'Taking a photo help' requires third-person singular 'helps' (subject-verb agreement/verb + -ing context). 'Keep the memories' is better as 'keep memories' (article error). 'it's make' should be 'it makes' (third person singular). 'boss umm my photo when I was' is ungrammatical; likely meant 'look at my photos later' so corrected to 'when I look at my photos'. Use present simple for general truths. Suggestion: ensure verb agrees with subject and use clear vocabulary for actions like 'look at'.

× I enjoy living in the rural area more than a city because uh, the atmosphere in the southern area, uh, everything surroundings, the area make me feel peaceful and there's, uh, I can take a picture.

✓ I enjoy living in the countryside more than in a city because the atmosphere in the southern area, and the surroundings, make me feel peaceful, and I can take pictures.

'the rural area' and 'a city' need consistent articles and phrasing; 'the countryside' is a more natural uncountable noun. 'everything surroundings' is ungrammatical; use 'the surroundings'. Subject-verb agreement: 'the area make' should be 'make' because plural subject ('atmosphere and surroundings') or rephrased; here 'the atmosphere and the surroundings make me feel peaceful'. 'take a picture' changed to plural 'take pictures' to match general activity. Suggestion: simplify and use correct articles ('the', 'a') and ensure subject and verb agree.

× I believe uh, in every country have it different beautiful sceneries.

✓ I believe every country has different beautiful scenery.

Incorrect pronoun and word order: 'in every country have it' is wrong. Use 'every country has' (subject-verb). 'sceneries' is less natural; 'scenery' is an uncountable noun. Also adjective order: 'different beautiful' is awkward; 'different beautiful scenery' or better 'beautiful, different scenery' but 'different beautiful scenery' is acceptable. Suggestion: use 'every country has' and 'scenery' as uncountable.

× Uh, for me, I love to enjoy the view in Canada more than my home country in Vietnam because, uh, when the winter come in, all the scenery around me is so beautiful.

✓ For me, I prefer enjoying the view in Canada more than in my home country, Vietnam, because when winter comes, all the scenery around me is so beautiful.

'I love to enjoy' is wordy; use 'I prefer enjoying' or 'I prefer the views in Canada'. 'my home country in Vietnam' is better as 'my home country, Vietnam'. 'when the winter come in' has subject-verb agreement and unnecessary 'in'; use 'when winter comes'. Use present simple for habitual/seasonal facts. Suggestion: use 'comes' for third-person singular and simplify phrasing to 'prefer' or 'prefer the views'.