Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and redundancy, give a clearer topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words for coherence and avoid repeating phrases (e.g., “sometimes” twice). Aim for natural vocabulary like “capture” instead of “click” and remove filler sounds like “uh.”

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views. For example, when I see a beautiful landscape I often take out my phone to capture it, because I like keeping an attractive photo gallery. Also, I sometimes photograph urban scenes at sunset to highlight the colors.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and then give two contrasted, specific examples using linking words (e.g., “however,” “on the other hand”). Reduce repetition and use precise vocabulary (e.g., “architecture,” “scenery,” “tranquil atmosphere”).

例: It depends on my mood: I enjoy both urban and rural views. For instance, I like urban scenes for their striking architecture and illuminated skylines, while, on the other hand, rural landscapes appeal to me because of their peaceful scenery and fresh air.

提案: Avoid broad negative generalizations about your country. Provide a balanced, specific answer: state your preference, then give clear reasons and an example. Replace vague terms like “not so beautiful” with concrete descriptions (e.g., “less well-maintained” or “overcrowded areas”).

例: I generally prefer views in other countries because I’ve often found the tourist sites abroad to be better maintained and less crowded. For example, when I visited X city, the parks and streets were clean and well-managed, which made sightseeing much more enjoyable; however, some regions at home, like Y, are also very scenic.

× Sometimes if I think uh, sometimes if I see a beautiful scenery, I take my phone out of the pocket and click a picture because I like to maintain an aesthetic of my phone, of my gallery and I think it.

✓ Sometimes if I see a beautiful scene, I take my phone out of my pocket and take a picture because I like to maintain an aesthetic for my phone and my gallery.

'Beautiful scenery' is uncountable and 'scene' is more natural here; 'out of the pocket' should be 'out of my pocket' to use correct possessive; 'click a picture' is nonstandard in many varieties of English, so use 'take a picture'; 'maintain an aesthetic of my phone, of my gallery' is awkward — use 'an aesthetic for my phone and my gallery'. Also removed duplicate 'sometimes if I think' which is redundant. Suggestions: use natural collocations (take a picture, my pocket, a beautiful scene).

× Well, it depends on the mood. Sometimes I prefer urban areas while sometimes while the other time I prefer rural areas.

✓ Well, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I prefer urban areas, and other times I prefer rural areas.

'Depends on the mood' lacks possession: use 'my mood'. The phrase 'while sometimes while the other time' is repetitive and ungrammatical; use 'sometimes... and other times' or 'sometimes... other times'. Suggestions: simplify to parallel clauses and include possessive pronoun for clarity.

× Urban areas provide views of great buildings, big infrastructures and beautiful skyline whereas uh rural areas provide you the view of countryside and it has a very peaceful vibe.

✓ Urban areas provide views of impressive buildings, large infrastructure, and a beautiful skyline, whereas rural areas provide views of the countryside and have a very peaceful vibe.

'Great buildings' is acceptable but 'impressive buildings' is more natural; 'big infrastructures' is ungrammatical because 'infrastructure' is usually uncountable and does not take plural 'infrastructures'—use 'infrastructure' or 'large infrastructure'. 'Beautiful skyline' needs an article: 'a beautiful skyline'. 'Provide you the view of countryside' is awkward: use 'provide views of the countryside'. 'It has' should agree with plural subject 'areas' so use 'have'. Suggestions: use correct countability and subject-verb agreement and include articles where needed.

× I prefer views in other countries because I think my country is not so beautiful.

✓ I prefer views in other countries because I don't think my country is very beautiful.

Original 'I think my country is not so beautiful' is understandable but slightly informal and negative-marking can be improved to 'I don't think... very beautiful' which is more natural in spoken English. Tense remains present; suggestion: use natural negation forms.

× Uh, definitely some parts of my country are very beautiful and well known, but the places where I have been are dirty and very overcrowded.

✓ Definitely some parts of my country are very beautiful and well known, but the places I have been to are dirty and very overcrowded.

'Where I have been' is acceptable but 'the places I have been to' is more natural idiomatically. Also remove filler 'Uh,' and ensure preposition 'to' follows 'been'. Suggestions: place 'to' at end of clause in informal spoken English and avoid unnecessary fillers.