Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and reduce fillers (uh, um). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail with a linking phrase. Keep it to no more than 3–4 sentences. Also vary vocabulary (e.g., “I enjoy photographing landscapes” instead of “I like taking pictures of different views”).

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views. For example, I love capturing landscapes because photos help me remember special moments, and I often review them later to recall the atmosphere of each occasion.

提案: Avoid hesitations and repetition. Give a clear preference, then support it with two concise, specific reasons linked by a connector (e.g., “because” / “and”). Use precise vocabulary (e.g., “scenery,” “countryside”), and finish with a concluding phrase. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer rural scenery because it has wide green fields and mountains, which are peaceful and photogenic. Also, farm animals and traditional villages add character to my photos, making them more interesting.

提案: Clarify your meaning and avoid unclear phrases (e.g., “the size of my country is a very beautiful” is incorrect). State a clear opinion then give a specific reason, using linking words (e.g., “however,” “because”). Keep sentences short and avoid filler words.

例: My country has many beautiful historic sites, but I prefer views in other countries because I want to experience new cultures and landscapes I haven’t seen before.

× it is a one of my favorite things to do because I really like photography and, uh, after taking some pictures, I also like to look at them and, uh, remember the occasions that happened there.

✓ it is one of my favorite things to do because I really like photography and after taking some pictures I also like to look at them and remember the occasions that happened there.

Use 'one of' without the indefinite article 'a' when indicating a member of a group. Remove extra commas and filler 'uh' for fluency and correct punctuation. Also remove unnecessary commas around 'after taking some pictures' and 'I also like' to form a clear sentence.

× I would say I prefer, uh, sides of rural areas because, uh, there, uh, there are lots of mountains mostly and lots of green spaces and also animals like cows, pigs, uh, that are really cute.

✓ I would say I prefer rural areas because there are mostly lots of mountains, many green spaces, and animals like cows and pigs that are really cute.

The phrase 'sides of rural areas' is awkward; use 'rural areas'. Remove repeated 'there' and excessive fillers. Reorder adjectives and nouns for natural English (e.g., 'mostly lots of mountains' -> 'mostly mountains' or 'lots of mountains'). Use 'and' properly between list items and remove extra commas.

× So I like looking that, that.

✓ So I like looking at that.

The verb 'look' requires the preposition 'at' when followed by an object; the repeated 'that, that' is redundant. Correct pronoun usage and include the preposition for grammatical correctness.

× Uh, the size of my country is a very beautiful because of its, uh, ancient history, uh, but I think I most prefer, uh, views in, of, uh, other countries because I've never been there.

✓ My country is very beautiful because of its ancient history, but I think I prefer views in other countries because I have never been there.

'The size of my country is a very beautiful' is incorrect: 'size' is unnecessary and 'a very beautiful' should be 'very beautiful' modifying 'country'. Remove fillers and fix 'I most prefer' to 'I prefer' for naturalness. Use the present perfect 'I have never been there' (already present) is fine; keep as 'I have never been there.' Also simplify 'views in, of, other countries' to 'views in other countries'.