Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundancy (e.g., “different landscapes” and listing too many items) and refine phrasing ("places I've never seen before"). Also keep answers to a maximum of about 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different landscapes. For example, when I travel I often photograph mountain ranges and rivers because their light and colors change throughout the day. I usually share the best shots with my family so they can see the places I visit.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and support it with one concise reason and an example. Fix incomplete sentences and avoid repeating words ("urban areas" twice). Use a linking word like "because" or "for example". Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer urban views because I find modern architecture and skyscrapers fascinating. For example, I enjoy photographing city skylines at sunset when the lights create interesting patterns.

提案: Start with a direct answer, then give a specific reason and a short example. Avoid vague phrases like "foreign countries" and unclear endings. Use linking words ("because", "for example") and provide one concrete comparison to support your opinion.

例: I prefer views in other countries because they often have more distinctive and historic architecture. For example, when I visited Italy I was impressed by ancient cathedrals and plazas that you rarely see in my home town.

× I like taking pictures of different landscapes like the cityscape or mountains, rivers, and many other interesting views.

✓ I like taking pictures of different landscapes, such as cityscapes, mountains, rivers, and other interesting views.

The original sentence has inconsistent parallel structure and article use: 'the cityscape or mountains, rivers' mixes singular and plural forms and uses 'the' incorrectly. Use 'such as' to introduce examples and make the items parallel and correctly pluralized (cityscapes). This improves clarity and grammatical consistency.

× For example, when I'm traveling, I like looking out the window to see beautiful places I've never seen in my life, and I take pictures of them so that I can show my family members.

✓ For example, when I'm traveling, I like looking out the window to see beautiful places I've never seen before, and I take pictures of them to show my family.

The phrase 'in my life' is awkward here; 'before' is the common collocation after 'never seen'. Also, 'so that I can show my family members' is wordy; use 'to show my family'. This keeps present continuous and simple present consistent and more natural.

× I enjoy views in urban areas because of the modern structures and the skyscrapers.

✓ I enjoy views in urban areas because of the modern structures and skyscrapers.

Definite article 'the' before 'skyscrapers' is unnecessary when speaking generally. Removing 'the' makes the noun phrase parallel and grammatically natural.

× I like seeing the beautiful skyline and houses that are available in the urban areas.

✓ I like seeing beautiful skylines and houses that are available in urban areas.

Using 'the' and 'the urban areas' is overly specific and awkward here. When speaking generally, omit 'the' and pluralize 'skyline' to 'skylines' or keep singular with a different structure. This yields a more natural general statement.

× So that's why I prefer the.

✓ So that's why I prefer them.

The sentence is incomplete and lacks the object after 'prefer the'. Replace with 'them' to refer back to 'views in urban areas' (plural). This corrects sentence structure and completes the thought.

× I actually prefer the views in other countries because in my country we don't really have breathtaking architectural buildings like foreign countries.

✓ I actually prefer views in other countries because in my country we don't really have breathtaking architecture like in some foreign countries.

'Breathtaking architectural buildings' is redundant; 'breathtaking architecture' is more natural. Also 'like foreign countries' is incorrect; use 'like in some foreign countries' or 'that other countries have' to compare properly.

× In those places they have unusual buildings that stand for tourist attractions and the place.

✓ In those places they have unusual buildings that serve as tourist attractions and landmarks.

The phrase 'stand for tourist attractions and the place' is unidiomatic and unclear. Use 'serve as tourist attractions and landmarks' to express the intended meaning clearly and grammatically. This fixes sentence structure and word choice.