Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문법과 어휘를 정확하게 사용하도록 연습하세요. 'beers'는 문맥상 'views'나 'scenes'로 바꿔야 하고, 중복 표현(예: "different views", "take pictures")과 말 더듬는 부분을 줄여야 합니다. 응답은 주제문으로 시작하고, 이유와 구체적 예시를 한두 문장으로 덧붙여 총 3~4문장으로 자연스럽게 구성하세요. 또한 시제와 관사 사용을 점검하고 연결어(for example, because, when)를 적절히 사용해 문장을 매끄럽게 만드세요.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views because they help me preserve memories. For example, when I revisit pictures from my travels, the images bring back the atmosphere and emotions of the moment. I usually take photos of landscapes and cityscapes to capture memorable scenes.

提案: 첫 문장이 주제를 명확히 전달하도록 수정하세요. 이해하기 힘든 표현('likes CD and their nail science')는 전혀 관련이 없어 보입니다. 대신 도시의 어떤 요소들(조명, 건축, 활기 등)을 구체적으로 언급하고 연결어(for example, because)를 사용해 이유를 정리하세요. 중복 단어('the the')와 어순을 교정하고 문장 수를 2~3문장으로 유지하세요.

例: I prefer urban views because I enjoy the vibrant atmosphere of cities. For example, bright building lights, busy streets, and interesting architecture make me feel excited and inspired. These features are what attract me to urban areas.

提案: 의도를 더 분명히 표현하고, 문법적 오류(현재/과거 시제 혼용, 중복 단어 'it it')를 수정하세요. 이유를 구체적으로 설명하고 연결어(therefore, because)를 사용해 논리적으로 전개하세요. 문장을 간결하게 유지하고 감정 표현은 한두 번으로 제한하세요.

例: I prefer views in other countries because I have seen many places in my own country and I enjoy experiencing new cultures. For example, seeing unfamiliar landscapes and architecture abroad often makes me feel excited and curious, so I like traveling to discover different scenery.

× I really like to take pictures of different beers because if I if I take up pictures in different views I can keep the pictures for a long time and it when I reflect them again they will bring back that good memories in different views.

✓ I really like to take pictures of different views because if I take pictures of different scenes I can keep them for a long time and when I look at them again they will bring back those good memories.

The student used 'beers' instead of 'views' and mixed singular/plural forms incorrectly: 'that good memories' should be 'those good memories' and 'it when I reflect them' is awkward. Suggestions: use the correct noun 'views' or 'scenes', avoid unnecessary repetitions, use plural demonstrative 'those' for plural noun, and replace 'reflect' with 'look at' for natural English.

× I prefer views in urban areas because I'm a person who likes CD and their nail science.

✓ I prefer views in urban areas because I'm a person who likes city life and neon lights.

The original contains unintelligible fragments 'CD and their nail science' which are likely wrong word choices. Suggest replacing with appropriate descriptive nouns/adjectives: 'city life' and 'neon lights' convey urban attraction. Ensure adjectives and nouns are used correctly to describe preferences.

× For example, when I see the the bright lights from buildings and that street, it makes me so excited and happy.

✓ For example, when I see the bright lights from buildings and the streets, it makes me very excited and happy.

The student used 'that street' inconsistently with 'buildings' and had a duplicated 'the the'. Use 'the streets' to match plural 'buildings' and correct article duplication. Also 'so excited' is acceptable but 'very excited' is more natural. Remove repeated words.

× I prefer views in other countries because I already used to see my country's view and I'm a person who really like to try new things.

✓ I prefer views in other countries because I am already used to seeing my country's views and I'm a person who really likes to try new things.

Errors: 'used to see' should be 'used to seeing' or 'am used to seeing' to express habit/experience; 'country's view' should be plural 'country's views' or 'the views of my country'; subject-verb agreement 'who really like' must be 'who really likes'. Suggestions: use 'am used to seeing' and correct verb agreement.

× So if I can't see the other views it it would make me so happy and excited.

✓ So if I can see the other views it would make me very happy and excited.

The sentence used 'can't' which contradicts the intended meaning (wants to see other views). Likely intended: 'If I can see the other views, it would make me very happy and excited.' Also remove duplicate 'it'. Use conditional structure correctly: 'If I can... it would...' or better 'If I could see other views, I would be very happy.'