Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and correct unclear phrase "profile on this call." Add a brief specific detail (what you photograph or how often) and use a linking phrase if needed.

例: Yes, I love taking pictures. I often photograph landscapes and street scenes whenever I have my camera with me, and I post my best shots on a photography app where I follow other photographers.

提案: Correct word choice and grammar, and make the structure clearer. Start with a direct answer, then give 1–2 specific reasons using linking words. Avoid vague phrases like "they don't appear to me as much."

例: I prefer rural areas because they are much quieter and more peaceful. For example, I enjoy photographing open fields and forests, whereas cities often feel noisy and crowded, which makes it hard to relax or find interesting natural scenes.

提案: Remove filler words (uh) and be more specific. Give one specific example comparing a domestic and a foreign view or tradition, and use linking words to show contrast or addition.

例: I enjoy both. At home I love visiting coastal villages to photograph traditional festivals and local food markets, while abroad I especially enjoy mountain landscapes and historic architecture, which offer very different photographic opportunities.

× I often take as many as I can whenever I have a camera in hand.

✓ I often take as many photos as I can whenever I have a camera in hand.

The original sentence omits the noun 'photos' after 'take as many as I can', which makes the object unclear. Use the present participle form is not required here, but the error is omission of the noun; correction provides the expected object to complete the verb 'take'. Suggestion: include the object after 'take' (e.g., 'photos', 'pictures').

× I do have my own profile on this call.

✓ I do have my own profile on this app.

The speaker likely meant 'app' not 'call'. 'Call' is incorrect noun choice rather than an article error; corrected to the intended noun. Suggestion: choose the correct noun that matches context ('app', 'site').

× I prefer router areas because they feel much more peaceful and calmer, whereas the urban cities feel similar and feels much crowded and they don't appear to me as much.

✓ I prefer rural areas because they feel much more peaceful and calm, whereas urban areas feel crowded and do not appeal to me as much.

Multiple problems: 'router' is a wrong word choice for 'rural' (vocabulary). 'Much more peaceful and calmer' is redundant and 'calmer' should be 'calm' to parallel adjectives; 'urban cities' is redundant (urban areas or cities), subject-verb agreement error with 'feel(s) much crowded' and 'feels much crowded' is incorrect; 'they don't appear to me as much' is unnatural — 'do not appeal to me as much' is correct. Suggestions: use precise vocabulary ('rural'), avoid redundancy, keep parallel adjectives, ensure subject-verb agreement, and use natural verbs ('appeal').

× Uh, personally, I like both of them because each place has its own unique nature and beauty.

✓ Personally, I like both because each place has its own unique nature and beauty.

Using 'both of them' is not incorrect but wordy; 'both' suffices. Also avoid filler 'Uh'. Suggestion: remove unnecessary pronouns and fillers for clarity and fluency.

× I like to travel around my own country and experience local traditions and uh, culture.

✓ I like to travel around my own country and experience local traditions and culture.

Remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary comma. 'Experience' correctly takes direct objects 'local traditions and culture'. Suggestion: eliminate fillers and maintain parallel structure in lists.

× But I also enjoy uh and like to travel abroad and experience its own beauty as well.

✓ But I also enjoy traveling abroad and experiencing its beauty.

The original sentence has redundant conjunctions 'and like' and filler 'uh', awkward structure 'experience its own beauty as well.' Use gerunds 'enjoy traveling' and 'experiencing' for parallel structure and remove redundancy. Suggestion: use 'enjoy' followed by gerund, remove fillers and redundant phrases.