Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, clarity and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms and articles, and use linking words. Be specific about what you photograph and why. Keep to maximum 4–5 sentences and avoid repetitions.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views because I love traveling and photos help me preserve memories. For example, when I visit a new city I often photograph interesting streets and local landscapes to capture the atmosphere. I also take close-ups of architectural details or market scenes so I can remember the trip later.

提案: Make sentence structure natural and fix grammar (plural/singular, verb forms). Use linking words to connect reasons and give specific details about activities you do in rural areas. Avoid word repetition and keep answers concise.

例: I prefer rural areas because I live in a large city, Shenzhen, and I enjoy escaping to the countryside in my free time. In rural places I can walk my dog, breathe fresh air, and photograph wide open landscapes, which feels relaxing after busy city life.

提案: Clarify your main idea and correct grammar and word choice. State a clear topic sentence, then give specific reasons and examples. Avoid vague phrases and ensure sentences are coherent with linking words.

例: I prefer views in my own country, especially Shenzhen, because the city is very convenient and has excellent public transport. The lively neighborhoods and modern streets attract many young people, so I enjoy photographing the vibrant street life and contemporary architecture.

× Yes, I'm taking photo of difference because I love traveling and the photo can help me pressure memories.

✓ Yes, I take photos of different places because I love traveling and the photos can help me preserve memories.

The form 'I'm taking' suggests a current continuous action, but the student means a habitual action, so simple present 'I take' is correct. 'photo' should be plural 'photos' to match the general meaning (plural/uncountable issue). 'difference' is incorrect word choice; use 'different places' or 'different views'. 'pressure memories' is incorrect collocation; the correct verb is 'preserve memories'. Use plural 'photos' and 'the photos' to maintain agreement.

× For example why I visited a new city and I always photograph interest streets and the landscape so I can look back at the later and memory the trip.

✓ For example, when I visit a new city I always photograph interesting streets and the landscape so I can look back later and remember the trip.

The original sentence mixes past and habitual aspects and uses incorrect connectors: 'why I visited' should be 'when I visit' for a general habit. 'photograph interest streets' needs adjective form 'interesting' before 'streets'. 'look back at the later' is ungrammatical; use 'look back later'. 'memory the trip' uses the noun 'memory' incorrectly; use the verb 'remember'. Punctuation and clause order were adjusted for clarity.

× I prefer rural area because I live in Shenzhen which is the big city so I like go away to the countryside while I have the free time.

✓ I prefer rural areas because I live in Shenzhen, which is a big city, so I like to get away to the countryside when I have free time.

'rural area' should be plural 'rural areas' to express preference in general. 'the big city' is incorrect article use; use 'a big city'. 'like go away' needs infinitive 'like to get away'. 'while I have the free time' is awkward; use 'when I have free time'. Commas improve clause separation.

× I also love dogs so I usually take my dog with with with me when I travel to enjoy the open space.

✓ I also love dogs, so I usually take my dog with me when I travel to enjoy the open space.

The repeated 'with with with' is an error; keep a single 'with'. A comma before 'so' helps readability. Pronoun 'me' is correct after 'with'. No tense change needed.

× I prefer views my own country because I love Shenzhen, it's very convenient with excellent public transport and the sectors attracts me lots of young people and so this streets where you look lively and model.

✓ I prefer views in my own country because I love Shenzhen; it's very convenient with excellent public transport, and the city attracts lots of young people, so the streets look lively and modern.

Missing preposition 'in' after 'views' was added. 'the sectors attracts me lots of young people' is ungrammatical: 'the city attracts lots of young people' is clearer ('attracts' must agree with 'city'). 'this streets' should be 'the streets' (article and number). 'where you look lively and model' is incorrect word choice and order; use 'the streets look lively and modern'. Punctuation and clause linkage improved for clarity.