Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct word choice; avoid hesitations and unclear words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Use the correct noun (views, scenes) and avoid filler sounds like “umm.”

例: Yes, I do. I enjoy photographing different views because it’s a form of self-expression and it helps me preserve special moments. For example, I often take photos of sunsets and city skylines so I can look back and remember how the place felt.

提案: Use a clear topic sentence and correct verb forms. Reduce repetition and add a specific detail to support your preference. Use linking words like “because” and “for example” to make your explanation coherent.

例: I prefer rural views because I enjoy being immersed in nature. For example, when I visit remote areas I take photos of forests and rivers because the colors and peaceful atmosphere are more inspiring than busy city scenes.

提案: Give a direct answer (both) with one clear reason for each and avoid repetition and tense mistakes. Keep sentences short and specific, using linking words like “while” or “however” to contrast your points.

例: I like both. In my own country I enjoy discovering familiar yet new places, while in other countries I photograph sights to remember different cultures and landscapes. For instance, I document local festivals at home and street scenes when I travel abroad.

× Yes, I really like it because I think taking pictures of different wheels like umm to is a self-expression of many things and it can also help me memorize those beautiful moments and reflect later.

✓ Yes, I really like it because I think taking pictures of different views is a form of self-expression and it can also help me remember those beautiful moments and reflect on them later.

The sentence had incorrect word choice and unnecessary words. 'Wheels' should be 'views' (vocabulary), and the phrase 'like umm to is' is ungrammatical and redundant. Use 'a form of self-expression' instead of 'a self-expression' (article and noun collocation). 'Memorize' is usually used for learning; 'remember' fits personal recollection. Add 'on them' after 'reflect' to complete the phrasal verb 'reflect on'. Also simplify filler words. Suggestion: remove fillers and use clear noun phrases and correct verb patterns.

× I prefer views in rural areas because I really enjoy the beautiful sceneries and to get my to immerse myself in the beauty of nature.

✓ I prefer views in rural areas because I really enjoy the beautiful scenery and getting to immerse myself in the beauty of nature.

Several issues: 'sceneries' is rarely plural in English; use uncountable 'scenery' (noun form). The phrase 'to get my to immerse myself' is ungrammatical; correct structure is 'getting to immerse myself' (verb + -ing or 'to immerse myself'). Using 'getting to' expresses opportunity. Suggestion: use 'scenery' and an '-ing' clause for smooth, grammatical phrasing.

× So I like to take pictures when I was in some remote areas or rural areas and I can take photos of those trees.

✓ So I like to take pictures when I am in remote or rural areas and I can take photos of the trees there.

Tense inconsistency: the student mixes past 'was' with present 'like' and 'can'. For habitual preference use present tense 'am'. Also simplify redundancy 'some remote areas or rural areas' to 'remote or rural areas'. Add 'there' to indicate location for 'the trees'. Suggestion: keep present tense for general preferences and avoid repeating similar nouns.

× Both views are fantastic for me because when I was in my, because when I when I'm in my own country, I'm, I can explore things or unknown views, unknown views to enjoy those moments.

✓ Both views are fantastic for me because when I'm in my own country I can explore new or unknown places and enjoy those moments.

The original has tense shifts and repetitions: 'when I was' and 'when I'm' conflict; maintain present 'when I'm' for habitual situations. Remove repeated fragments and filler. Use 'new or unknown places' instead of 'things or unknown views' for clarity. Suggestion: keep consistent present tense for general statements and avoid repetition and fillers.

× But when I was when I'm in other countries, I really want to record those.

✓ But when I'm in other countries, I really want to record them.

Mixed tenses 'was' and 'I'm' should be consistent; use present 'I'm' for habitual or general desire. Replace vague 'those' with 'them' referring back to 'views' or 'moments' and simplify. Suggestion: use present tense for general preferences and use clear pronouns or repeat the noun if needed.