Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve clarity, coherence and vocabulary. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid unrelated or incorrect words (e.g., “Sport”), use linking words, and keep sentences concise (max 5). Add one or two specific details about what you like to capture and why.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views because I like preserving memories. For example, near my home there is a lovely park and a sandy beach where I photograph sunsets and people walking. I also like taking portraits of my family during weekend outings to capture special moments.

提案: Make the response direct and remove filler phrases. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific supporting reasons using linking words like “because” and “for example.” Correct word choice (e.g., use “attractions” instead of “props”) and smooth sentence structure will help.

例: I prefer urban views because I enjoy the lively atmosphere and convenience. For example, cities have a wide range of restaurants and cultural events, and it is easier to travel around by public transport. This variety makes city photography more interesting to me.

提案: Remove fillers and contradictions and organize ideas logically. Start with a clear statement (preference), then give specific reasons and one brief example. Avoid saying you haven’t been if you already prefer your country; instead explain what appeals to you or where you want to visit.

例: I prefer views in my own country, Vietnam, because it has diverse landscapes from mountains to beaches. For example, I would like to visit Ha Long Bay and the rice terraces in Sapa to photograph dramatic scenery and traditional life.

× Sport near my home suggests a lovely park and sandy beach.

✓ Near my home there is a lovely park and a sandy beach.

The original sentence has incorrect word order and uses 'Sport' which is unrelated; likely a transcription error. Reordering to the standard English subject-verb-object pattern and adding the article 'a' before 'sandy beach' makes the sentence grammatical and clear. Suggestion: start with location phrase 'Near my home' then use 'there is/there are' or 'there is a' for singular items.

× I especially enjoy photographing my family members to capture memories, for example during weekend outing or especially occasions.

✓ I especially enjoy photographing my family members to capture memories, for example during weekend outings or special occasions.

The phrase 'weekend outing' needs plural form 'weekend outings' to match general habitual activities; 'especially occasions' is incorrect—use 'special occasions'. Also add plural or articles as needed. Suggestion: use plural for repeated events and choose 'special' rather than 'especially'.

× There is actually.

✓ Actually, yes.

'There is actually' is a fragment and does not answer the question. The student likely intended a brief affirmation. 'Actually, yes' is a concise, grammatical response. Suggestion: use full words or short affirmative phrases rather than sentence fragments.

× For example, where cities offer many restaurants, props and cultural events and is actually easier to get around by public transport.

✓ For example, cities offer many restaurants, shops and cultural events, and it is actually easier to get around by public transport.

The original has a clause 'where cities offer...' followed by 'and is actually easier' which lacks a clear subject for 'is' and uses 'props' incorrectly (likely 'shops'). Correct by making 'cities' the subject for 'offer' and adding 'it' as subject for 'is'. Also replace 'props' with 'shops'. Suggestion: ensure each verb has an explicit subject and use correct vocabulary.

× I actually prefer the views in my own country that is Vietnam.

✓ I actually prefer the views in my own country, which is Vietnam.

Using 'that' to introduce a non-restrictive clause is incorrect; use 'which' and set off the clause with a comma. 'That' typically introduces restrictive clauses without commas. Suggestion: use 'which' for additional information about a noun and include commas.

× You know, in Vietnam there are a lot of beautiful scenes.

✓ You know, in Vietnam there are a lot of beautiful scenery.

'Scenes' is acceptable but 'scenery' is the uncountable noun commonly used to refer to landscape beauty. 'A lot of' with a plural count noun like 'scenes' is possible, but 'beautiful scenery' is more natural. Suggestion: prefer 'scenery' when talking about landscapes in general.

× Umm, I haven't been before, so if I have a chance I would like to travel all place in Vietnam to know and to get experience about that.

✓ Umm, I haven't been there before, so if I have the chance I would like to travel all over Vietnam to learn about it and gain experience.

Several issues: 'haven't been before' needs an object 'there'; 'the chance' is natural article use; 'travel all place' is ungrammatical—use 'travel all over Vietnam'; 'to know' is incorrect collocation—use 'to learn about it'; 'to get experience about that' is awkward—use 'gain experience'. Tense 'would like' is fine for hypothetical desire. Suggestion: include objects for verbs, use natural collocations like 'learn about' and 'gain experience', and use 'all over' for exploring a whole country.