Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy, remove filler phrases, avoid repetition, and make meaning clear. Use a clear topic sentence, then one or two supporting details with linking words. Fix mistakes such as "Gonna have free time" and the repeated "because," and replace "dry" with a more appropriate adjective (e.g. "dramatic" or "warmer").

例: Yes, I do. I enjoy photographing local scenery, especially landscapes and city views. For example, when I have free time I often go out at golden hour because the warm, directional light makes colours richer and the scenes more dramatic.

提案: Strengthen fluency by using smoother linking expressions and more precise vocabulary. Avoid awkward phrases like "wild wide open fields" and "characteristics which help me relax." Use one clear reason, then add a specific example or brief comparison to urban views.

例: I prefer rural views because I love tranquil, natural scenery. For instance, wide open fields, clean air and quiet lanes help me unwind after a hectic week in the city, whereas urban views often feel noisy and crowded.

提案: Avoid minor grammar issues and redundant words. Use one clear topic sentence, then provide a concise, specific supporting detail with linking words. Replace awkward phrases like "sitting visiting" with a single verb and add a brief reason why seasonal variety matters.

例: I prefer views in my own country because I feel a strong connection to its landscapes and culture. For example, I enjoy visiting the mountains and coastal towns throughout the year, because each season brings different colours and local traditions that make me feel at home.

× Gonna have free time.

✓ When I have free time, I often go out at golden hour to take photographs.

The original fragment 'Gonna have free time.' is informal and incomplete (sentence without a main verb and subject), using spoken contraction 'gonna' which is inappropriate here. It should be a full clause with subject and verb to fit the context. Combine it with the following idea to make a complete, grammatically correct sentence: use 'When I have free time' as a dependent clause and a full verb phrase 'I often go out...'. Suggestion: Avoid informal spoken contractions like 'gonna' in formal responses; ensure each sentence has a subject and a finite verb.

× I often go out at golden hour to snap pictures because because the light makes the scenes much more dry.

✓ I often go out at golden hour to snap pictures because the light makes the scenes much more dramatic.

This sentence has a repetition 'because because' and the adjective 'dry' is inappropriate to describe lighting; 'dry' is an adjective but not the intended meaning. Use a suitable adjective such as 'dramatic' or 'beautiful'. Also remove the duplicated 'because'. Suggestion: Proofread to remove repeated words and choose adjectives that fit the context (light making scenes 'dramatic', 'beautiful', or 'soft').

× For example, I enjoy wild wide open fields, fresh air and characteristics which help me relax after a busy week in the city.

✓ For example, I enjoy wide-open fields, fresh air, and the quiet atmosphere that helps me relax after a busy week in the city.

The phrase 'wild wide open fields' is awkward; 'wide-open fields' is the correct adjective phrase. 'Characteristics' is vague and not the right noun here; use 'the quiet atmosphere' or 'these characteristics' with clearer reference. Also ensure subject-verb agreement: 'the quiet atmosphere that helps me relax'. Suggestion: Use compound adjectives with a hyphen ('wide-open') and pick precise nouns ('atmosphere' instead of 'characteristics').

× For example, I love sitting visiting the mountains and coastal towns at different seasons.

✓ For example, I love visiting the mountains and coastal towns in different seasons.

The original combines two gerunds 'sitting visiting' incorrectly; this is ungrammatical. Choose a single gerund phrase: 'visiting the mountains and coastal towns'. Also use the preposition 'in' with 'different seasons' rather than no preposition. Suggestion: Avoid stacking -ing forms without a conjunction; use one gerund or connect them correctly (e.g., 'sitting and visiting' if both actions are intended).

× The scenery and the people always make me feel at home.

✓ The scenery and the people always make me feel at home.

This sentence is grammatically correct and fits present simple tense to express a habitual feeling. No correction needed. Suggestion: None.