Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve clarity, grammar and conciseness. Start with a direct topic sentence, correct mistakes (e.g. "one of my passions"), avoid filler words, and limit to 2–3 sentences. Add a specific example and a linking word for coherence.

例: Yes, I enjoy photography, especially taking landscape photos while traveling. For example, last summer I photographed coastal cliffs at sunset so I could remember the colors and atmosphere of the trip.

提案: Make the topic sentence natural and correct grammar. Replace unclear phrases ("city goal") with "city person" or "city dweller." Use linking words to expand and give a specific detail about what you like in cities (architecture, street life), keeping to 2–3 concise sentences.

例: I prefer urban views because I'm a city dweller and enjoy the dynamic atmosphere. For instance, I love observing modern architecture and people's fashion on busy streets, which inspires my own style.

提案: Avoid negative, vague phrasing and correct grammar. Begin with a clear statement, then give a specific reason and an example. Use linking words (e.g. "because" or "so") correctly and avoid awkward constructions like "so I rather than."

例: I prefer views in other countries because they often have more diverse natural scenery. For example, I enjoy watching sunsets over open beaches in Spain, which feels more colorful compared with the high-rise apartment landscapes at home.

× Guess photography is one of my patients and I like to take pictures of different scenery while traveling 'cause I can live the best memories of the traveling and.

✓ I guess photography is one of my passions, and I like to take pictures of different scenery while traveling because I can relive the best memories of the trips.

Error type 13: The student used 'patients' instead of 'passions' (wrong word choice/adjective/noun form). 'Cause' is informal; use 'because' in spoken-test answers. 'Live the best memories of the traveling' is incorrect collocation and tense; use 'relive the best memories of the trips'. Also remove the trailing 'and' and fix article use 'the trips' to 'trips' or 'the trips' depending on meaning. Suggestion: replace incorrect words with accurate nouns and verbs and use standard connectors for clarity.

× I prefer views in urban areas. It is mainly because I'm a basically a city goal. I adore watching the architecture and watching people with different fashion.

✓ I prefer views in urban areas. It is mainly because I'm basically a city person. I adore looking at architecture and watching people with different fashions.

Error type 13: 'a basically a city goal' contains wrong word choices and extra article; 'city person' is appropriate. 'Watching the architecture' is unnatural; use 'looking at architecture'. 'Different fashion' should be 'different fashions' or 'different styles' to match plural noun use. Suggestion: choose correct collocations ('city person', 'looking at architecture', 'different fashions').

× I definitely prefer views in other countries rather than South Korea because South Korea looks a bit grayish with a lot of apartments so I rather than watch the sunset with the nature.

✓ I definitely prefer views in other countries to those in South Korea because South Korea looks a bit gray with many apartment buildings, and I would rather watch sunsets in nature.

Error type 13: Several word choice and structure issues: use 'prefer A to B' rather than 'prefer A rather than B'. 'Grayish' is acceptable but 'gray' is simpler. 'A lot of apartments' -> 'many apartment buildings'. 'I rather than watch the sunset with the nature' is ungrammatical; use 'I would rather watch sunsets in nature'. Also change 'the sunset' to plural or generic 'sunsets' and 'with the nature' -> 'in nature'. Suggestion: use correct comparative structures and natural collocations ('prefer A to B', 'watch sunsets in nature').