Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetition, give a clear topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words (because, so, for example) to make the answer coherent. Avoid overlong filler words and correct small errors (e.g., "I can look back on my phone" not "I can go back into my phone"). Keep answer to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views because they help me remember places I visit. For example, I often photograph mountain sunsets and city streets, then look at them on my phone or in a scrapbook to relive the moment.

提案: Clarify and correct the main preference (urban vs rural) and support it with specific reasons. Avoid contradictory statements (you said urban has more greenery and animals—this is usually rural). Use linking words (because, for example, however) and remove fillers. Keep it 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer rural views because they usually have more greenery and wildlife, which I enjoy. For example, I like listening to birdsong and walking through fields and forests, which feels peaceful compared with busy city streets.

提案: State your preference clearly, then give two specific contrasting reasons using linking words (because, whereas). Avoid vague phrases like "everything." Be concise and limit to 2–3 sentences. Correct small grammatical errors (e.g., "there is so much greenery" not "so much of greenery").

例: I prefer views in Canada rather than in my home country because Canada has more greenery and cleaner air. Whereas my home country is densely populated and more polluted, Canada offers lakes, mountains, and open forests that I find refreshing.

× Umm, I would love to take pictures while going to different places.

✓ Umm, I would love to take pictures while going to different places.

No correction needed. The verb phrase 'take pictures' and the gerund 'going' are used correctly to describe simultaneous actions.

× Umm, it it can I consider these things as like memories.

✓ Umm, I can consider these things as memories.

The original has redundant words and unclear structure ('it it can I'). Simplify to 'I can consider these things as memories' to make a clear subject-verb-object structure. Remove extra filler words like 'as like' because 'as' or 'like' alone is sufficient; 'as memories' is most natural here.

× I can go back into my phone and see the things.

✓ I can go back to my phone and see them.

'Go back into my phone' is awkward; use 'go back to my phone'. Replace 'the things' with the pronoun 'them' for natural flow. This fixes sentence clarity and natural pronoun usage (also relates to pronoun choice but fits structure improvement).

× I can go back to my, umm, to my books where I pictures those things.

✓ I can go back to my books where I photographed those things.

'Pictures' is incorrectly used as a verb. The correct past participle/verb form is 'photographed' or 'took pictures of'. Use 'photographed' to match past action and proper verb form.

× there would be more greenery over there, there would be more animals, birds as I love, uh, birds.

✓ there would be more greenery over there and more animals and birds, as I love birds.

Combine items with 'and' for parallelism and remove the repeated comma. 'Animals, birds' is awkward; use 'animals and birds'. Also avoid repeating 'birds' unnecessarily.

× So yeah, their, their sounds, everything is more, umm, preferable to see in urban area, yeah.

✓ So yeah, their sounds and everything are more pleasant to hear in urban areas.

Use plural 'areas' if speaking generally. 'Preferable to see' is awkward because sounds are heard, not seen; use 'pleasant to hear'. Also fix subject-verb agreement: 'their sounds and everything are'. Remove duplicate 'their'.

× Uh, I would prefer to see views in Canada, not my home country, as my home country is, uh, quite populated and there is so much pollution, less greenery.

✓ Uh, I would prefer to see views in Canada rather than in my home country, because my home country is quite densely populated and has a lot of pollution and less greenery.

Use 'rather than in' for preference contrast. 'Quite populated' is better as 'quite densely populated'. Change 'there is so much pollution, less greenery' to 'has a lot of pollution and less greenery' to use parallel noun phrases and correct verb agreement.

× But here in Canada there is so much of greenery, uh, freshwater, fresh sceneries, mountains and everything.

✓ But here in Canada there is so much greenery, fresh water, beautiful scenery, mountains, and more.

'So much of greenery' is incorrect; use 'so much greenery'. 'Freshwater' as a single word usually refers to water type; 'fresh water' or 'freshwater resources' is better. 'Fresh sceneries' is uncountable; use 'beautiful scenery'. Add commas and 'and more' for natural listing.