Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, remove filler words (uh), correct verb forms and countable/uncountable nouns, and add one specific example to support your answer. Use one or two linking words if needed.

例: Yes, I do. Taking photographs is my hobby, and I especially enjoy capturing natural scenes such as sunsets and the moon. For example, last month I photographed the sunset at a nearby lake and saved the best shots on my phone.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence (I prefer rural areas), simplify phrasing, avoid repetition, correct grammar (use infinitives and articles), and add a specific reason or example. Use a linking word (because/so) to connect ideas clearly.

例: I prefer rural areas because they offer more natural scenery. For instance, villages near my hometown have forests and rivers where I can photograph birds and landscapes without the noise and buildings of cities.

提案: Answer directly and avoid hesitation. Use correct singular/plural forms and simpler, precise vocabulary. State your preference then give two or three specific examples of places or scenery to support your answer. Remove unclear phrases.

例: I prefer views in my own country because it has a wide variety of natural landscapes. For example, we have high mountains, scenic rivers and coastal cliffs nearby, which give me plenty of opportunities to take different types of nature photos.

× A yes of course.

✓ Ah yes, of course.

The original begins with 'A' which is likely a filler sound typed incorrectly. Use 'Ah' for a spoken filler. Also add commas and spacing: 'Ah, yes, of course.' This is not strictly an article issue but corrects the spoken filler to standard form.

× Uh, clicking pictures is my hobby and I mostly clicking pictures of different views just like a natural views, sunset points or even the moon rising.

✓ Uh, taking pictures is my hobby, and I mostly take pictures of different views, such as natural scenery, sunset points, or even the rising moon.

The sentence misuses 'clicking pictures' and mixes verb forms. Use the verb 'take' for photos and maintain parallel verb forms: 'is my hobby, and I mostly take pictures...' Also 'a natural views' has article-number mismatch; change to 'natural scenery' to avoid plural/article conflict. Ensure verb agreement and correct noun phrase forms.

× All things I kept in my phone.

✓ I keep all of them on my phone.

The original has wrong tense and word order. Use present simple 'I keep' to match habitual action. Use preposition 'on my phone' rather than 'in my phone.' Replace 'All things' with 'all of them' for natural reference.

× Actually in the contemporary world to finding a natural place or natural wood in the urban area is most difficult.

✓ Actually, in the contemporary world, finding a natural place or wooded area in an urban setting is very difficult.

Remove the unnecessary 'to' before 'finding' and reword 'natural wood' to 'wooded area' or 'woodland.' Add commas for clarity and use 'is very difficult' for natural phrasing. Maintain gerund 'finding' as the subject.

× While in the rural area it is so easy to find a natural view.

✓ In rural areas, it is much easier to find natural scenery.

Use plural 'rural areas' for generalization and 'much easier' rather than 'so easy.' 'A natural view' is awkward; 'natural scenery' is clearer. Adjust article usage accordingly.

× So most of time, most of time I prefer to view a rural area because they have a good environmental place and I can click the natural.

✓ So most of the time, I prefer rural areas because they have good environments and I can photograph nature.

Use 'most of the time' phrase once. 'Prefer rural areas' is more natural than 'prefer to view a rural area.' 'They have good environments' agrees plural subject with plural noun. Replace 'click the natural' with 'photograph nature' for correct verb and noun usage.

× I mostly prefer view in my own countries because, uh, in my country there are several natural places are available and, uh, there are so many, so many mountains, hills, rivers, uh, and all things are in my country.

✓ I mostly prefer views in my own country because there are many natural places there, such as mountains, hills, and rivers.

Use singular 'country' when referring to speaker's nation. Remove redundant 'are' ('there are several natural places are available' -> 'there are several natural places'). Simplify repetition and list examples succinctly. Use present simple 'there are' to describe general facts.

× Even some places are, uh, fall down for this nose and.

✓ Some places have been damaged or are eroding because of this reason.

Original is fragmented and unclear. Provide a grammatically complete and clear version: use passive 'have been damaged' or present progressive 'are eroding' and clarify 'because of this reason' instead of 'for this nose and.' Ensure proper clause structure and meaningful vocabulary.