Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, honestly speaking), and reduce redundancy. Use one or two specific supporting details with linking words to explain reasons. Also vary vocabulary (e.g. "not keen on photography", "phone storage is limited").

例: I’m not really keen on photography. For example, my phone’s camera quality is poor and its storage is usually full, so I often avoid taking pictures. As a result, I usually forget to take photos when I travel or at parties.

提案: Good structure and clear contrast. To improve, remove unnecessary phrases ("If you ask me"), correct minor repetition ("the the"), and add a brief specific example or linking phrase to make it more vivid and informative.

例: It depends on my mood. For instance, I enjoy the calm and fresh air of the countryside when I want to relax, but I prefer the energy and variety of city views when I’m looking for entertainment or new restaurants.

提案: Be direct and avoid repetition and fillers. Use a clear topic sentence, give a specific example or memory, and use linking words (e.g. "because", "for example"). Correct grammar ("my own country" singular) and keep answer within 2–4 sentences.

例: I prefer views in my own country because they’re familiar and evoke memories. For example, the seaside town I visited as a child still reminds me of family picnics and the smell of the ocean, which makes those views special to me.

× I will have to freeze some space in case I want to take more photos.

✓ I will have to free up some space in case I want to take more photos.

The verb phrase 'freeze some space' is incorrect collocation. The intended meaning is to make storage available, which is expressed as 'free up some space'. Use 'free up' + object. Also, 'will have to' is acceptable for future obligation, so keep it.

× Honestly speaking, I normally forget to take photos when I'm traveling or at parties.

✓ Honestly speaking, I normally forget to take photos when I travel or when I'm at parties.

Mixing present simple 'normally forget' with present continuous 'I'm traveling' is not wrong but consistency and parallel structure improve clarity. Use present simple 'I travel' to match 'I normally forget' for habitual actions. Also add 'when' before 'I'm at parties' for parallelism.

× Sometimes I like the serenity, calm and peacefulness of rural areas and other times I need the the joy, energy and excitement of city views.

✓ Sometimes I like the serenity, calm and peacefulness of rural areas, and other times I need the joy, energy and excitement of city views.

There is a repeated definite article 'the the' which is a typographical/repetition error and should be a single 'the'. Also add a comma before 'and' for readability. The use of articles before abstract nouns like 'joy' is acceptable here; correcting the duplication fixes the grammatical issue.

× As far as I'm concerned, I prefer views in my own countries since I can connect, uh, to the views and they remind me of childhood memories.

✓ As far as I'm concerned, I prefer views in my own country since I can connect to them and they remind me of childhood memories.

The plural 'countries' conflicts with 'my own' which typically refers to a single country in this context; use singular 'country'. Also replace the repeated noun phrase 'the views' with the pronoun 'them' to avoid awkward repetition. Remove the filler 'uh'.

× In childhood trips, local views normally, umm, remind me of childhood experiences that I love the most.

✓ On childhood trips, local views normally remind me of the experiences I loved most.

'In childhood trips' is not the correct prepositional phrase; use 'on childhood trips'. The repetition of 'childhood' is redundant—use 'childhood' once. Change 'that I love the most' to past 'I loved most' to match that these are memories from the past. Remove filler 'umm'.