Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but a bit long-winded and repetitive. Make it more concise, use one strong topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail with a linking phrase. Avoid redundant phrases like “for my life” and repeated words such as “treasure” twice. Also vary vocabulary (e.g., “keepsake,” “memories,” “capture”).

例: Yes, I love taking pictures, especially when I travel, because they serve as keepsakes of my trips. For example, I always photograph local architecture and markets to remember the atmosphere and people I met.

提案: Your answer communicates preference but contains hesitations, repetition, and informal or overly personal phrasing (e.g., “God's creation”) that may be unnecessary. Start with a clear topic sentence, reduce filler words, and give one concrete reason with an example. Use precise vocabulary such as “scenery,” “landscape,” or “tranquil.”

例: I prefer rural areas because I enjoy natural scenery and tranquility. For instance, I like photographing rolling hills and forests at sunrise because the light and colors are very peaceful and photogenic.

提案: Your answer is balanced but vague and full of fillers. Provide a direct topic sentence (e.g., “I like both”) and then give one specific contrast between domestic and foreign views using a linking word (e.g., “whereas” or “on the other hand”). Avoid generic phrases like “a lot of beautiful places” without examples.

例: I like both domestic and foreign views. For example, in my country I appreciate historic landscapes and familiar culture, whereas abroad I enjoy unique architectural styles and unfamiliar natural features that offer new photographic opportunities.

× Yes, of course, I love taking pictures, especially when I'm traveling abroad or in different places because I treasure it as my souvenir for the travel memories that I had for my life.

✓ Yes, of course. I love taking pictures, especially when I'm traveling abroad or in different places, because I treasure them as souvenirs of the travel memories I've had in my life.

Errors: incorrect use of the definite/indefinite article and pronoun reference plus awkward phrasing. 'It' refers to 'pictures' (plural), so use 'them'. 'My souvenir' should be plural 'souvenirs' or 'a souvenir' depending on meaning; here 'souvenirs' fits. 'For the travel memories that I had for my life' is ungrammatical and wordy; use 'of the travel memories I've had in my life' for correct preposition and tense. Suggestion: Ensure pronouns agree in number with their antecedents and use articles (a/the) appropriately; simplify phrasing for clarity.

× It depends on the place, but uh, personally I love rural areas since I love nature, so I treasure the view of nature and the the beautiful of nature, the naturality of umm, God's creation.

✓ It depends on the place, but personally I love rural areas since I love nature, so I treasure natural views and the beauty of God's creation.

Errors: repetition ('the the'), incorrect noun choice ('naturality' is not natural in English), and awkward coordination. The phrase 'treasure the view of nature and the the beautiful of nature' is ungrammatical. Combine ideas concisely: 'treasure natural views and the beauty of God's creation.' Suggestion: Avoid filler words and repetitions; choose natural collocations (e.g., 'beauty' not 'naturality') and streamline conjunctions.

× Well, for me, both because in my country there's a lot of beautiful places that you will love and with the other country, I treasure it also because it's, uh, you, they have different, uh, uniqueness, especially in urban or rural areas.

✓ Well, for me, both. In my country there are many beautiful places you will love, and in other countries I treasure the differences because they have unique features, especially in urban and rural areas.

Errors: incorrect pronoun use and subject-verb agreement. 'There's a lot of beautiful places' mixes singular 'there's' with plural 'places' — use 'there are many beautiful places.' 'With the other country, I treasure it also' uses 'it' unclearly; better to say 'in other countries I treasure the differences.' 'You, they have different, uh, uniqueness' is ungrammatical; use 'they have unique features' or 'unique characteristics.' Suggestion: Match 'there is/are' to the number of the noun, avoid vague pronouns, and use clear noun phrases like 'unique features'.