Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more fluent: remove fillers (uh, umm), fix unclear phrases, and use one clear topic sentence plus one or two supporting details. Use linking words (for example, especially when...) and specific descriptions (e.g., sunsets, landscapes, textures).

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views, especially outdoors. For example, sunsets often cast warm light that highlights textures and creates a picturesque scene, so I try to capture the colors and composition carefully.

提案: Start with a clear direct statement, reduce hesitations, and give a specific reason with an example. Use linking words like because or for instance. Replace vague words (life and wild natural contrasts) with concrete descriptions (fields, forests, traditional villages).

例: I prefer taking photos in rural areas rather than big cities because natural scenes like fields and forests offer stronger visual contrasts. For instance, the textures of crops and the changing light at different times of day make rural photos more interesting.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence and then support it with a specific reason and an example. Avoid informal phrases like "take a shoot"; use "take photos". Use linking words like because and therefore to connect ideas smoothly.

例: I prefer views in other countries because I have already photographed many places at home. Therefore, traveling abroad allows me to find new landscapes and cultural scenes to photograph, such as colorful markets or unique architecture.

× I like to they cut off some, some rice and sunset makes umm, gives a, uh, specific effect on the photo, which makes picturesque.

✓ I like to take pictures of rice fields and sunsets because they give a specific, picturesque effect to the photo.

Error type ID: 10. The sentence contains incorrect verb forms and fragmented phrases ('to they cut off some') and uses verbs inconsistently ('makes ... gives'). Also 'picturesque' is used without a noun. Suggest using the infinitive or simple verb forms correctly ('like to take'), use clear subjects ('they' referring to rice fields and sunsets), and combine verbs properly ('they give a specific, picturesque effect to the photo'). Keep word order clear and include the noun for 'picturesque' (e.g., 'picturesque effect').

× Personally I would I prefer to take photo in a rural area rather than in umm metropolitan cities because uh, while uh life and wild natural umm contrasts gives you more contrast in a photo.

✓ Personally, I prefer to take photos in rural areas rather than in metropolitan cities because rural life and wild nature provide more contrast in a photo.

Error type ID: 26. The original has extra filler words and redundant modal phrasing ('I would I prefer'), incorrect noun forms ('photo' should be plural 'photos' when speaking generally), and subject-verb agreement ('contrasts gives' is incorrect). Suggest simplifying to 'I prefer', use plural nouns for general statements ('photos', 'rural areas'), and match subject and verb ('rural life and wild nature provide'). Remove fillers and unclear phrasing for better fluency.

× View of foreign countries because I have traveled a lot in my country and I took plenty of photos.

✓ I prefer views of foreign countries because I have traveled a lot within my country and have taken plenty of photos there.

Error type ID: 8 and 9. The sentence fragment 'View of foreign countries' lacks a subject; also mixing past simple 'I took' with present perfect 'I have traveled' is acceptable but here better to use present perfect consistently ('have taken') to relate past actions to the present preference. Suggest adding a subject ('I prefer'), use 'within my country' for clarity, and use present perfect 'have taken' to show experience up to now.

× So what would be interesting for me is to travel around abroad and to visit different countries and take a shoot.

✓ So what would be interesting for me is to travel abroad, visit different countries, and take photos.

Error type ID: 26. The phrase 'travel around abroad' is redundant; 'travel abroad' is correct. 'Take a shoot' is a non-idiomatic expression in English; use 'take photos' or 'shoot photos'. Suggest parallel verb forms in the list ('travel, visit, and take'), remove redundancy, and use natural collocations ('take photos').