Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (e.g., “Yes, I enjoy taking landscape photos”), avoid repetition, correct word choice (use “views” instead of “reviews”), and limit to 2–4 sentences. Add one specific detail and a linking phrase to make it coherent (e.g., explain what you like to photograph and why).

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views. For example, when I notice beautiful trees or interesting clouds, I pause to take a picture because it helps me remember that moment. I find landscape photography relaxing and it makes my journeys more memorable.

提案: Give a direct answer then support it with a clear reason and one specific detail. Remove fillers (“uh,” “actually”) and repetitions. Use a linking word (e.g., “because” or “so”) to connect the reason. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer views in rural areas because they feel peaceful and different from the city. For instance, since I have always lived in urban areas, I enjoy driving out to the countryside to see open fields and quiet roads.

提案: Answer directly and correct unclear phrases. State the preference clearly (e.g., “I prefer views in Melbourne/other countries”) and give a specific reason with one example. Avoid repeating words and check grammar (e.g., “air pollution is a serious problem”). Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like “because” or “so”.

例: I prefer views in Melbourne rather than in my hometown because air pollution there makes the scenery unclear. For example, in my city the sky is often hazy, while in Melbourne the air is cleaner and I can see distant buildings and landscapes more clearly.

× Yes, I like taking pictures of different reviews and.

✓ Yes, I like taking pictures of different views.

The student used 'reviews' instead of the correct noun 'views'. This is a word choice error (incorrect adjective/adverb use category) causing meaning confusion. Replace 'reviews' with 'views' to match the context of photographing scenery. Also remove the trailing 'and' which is incomplete.

× Have a work when I saw the beauty of saw the beautiful trees, saw the saw the beautiful clouds, I would I will pause and take a picture.

✓ When I see the beauty, for example the beautiful trees and clouds, I pause and take a picture.

The original sentence has repeated words, mixed tenses and a fragmented structure. This is a sentence structure error. Use a clear time clause 'when I see' (present simple for habitual action) and a simple main clause 'I pause and take a picture'. Remove duplicates and choose consistent tense for habitual actions.

× That's a great journey for me.

✓ It's a great experience for me.

'Journey' is acceptable but 'experience' better matches taking pictures of views. The present tense 'That's' is grammatically correct; suggested change improves word choice and collocation. This falls under present tense/word choice refinement.

× Uh, I prefer views in rural areas.

✓ I prefer views in rural areas.

The original sentence is grammatically correct in present tense. Suggest removing hesitation fillers for clarity. No grammatical change needed.

× Uh, I now I'm living in a urban areas, actually, I'm always living, uh, living in urban areas, even when I was in China.

✓ I now live in an urban area; actually, I have mostly lived in urban areas, even when I was in China.

Errors: misuse of article 'a' before a vowel sound ('an urban') and inconsistent singular/plural 'a urban areas'. Also tense and aspect need correction: use 'I now live' or 'I am now living' for current status and 'I have mostly lived' for life experience. This addresses article errors and subject-verb/tense consistency.

× So rural area is, is very special for me.

✓ So the rural area is very special to me.

Missing definite article 'the' before 'rural area' and awkward preposition; 'special to me' is the correct collocation. This fixes singular/plural/article usage.

× I need to drive to go to the.

✓ I need to drive to get there.

The original sentence is incomplete and awkward. Replace with the complete, natural phrase 'drive to get there' or 'drive to go there' to convey the intended meaning.

× To be honest, I prefer with e-mail in Melbourne, not in my own country.

✓ To be honest, I prefer being in Melbourne, not in my own country.

'Prefer with e-mail in Melbourne' is incorrect and nonsensical. Likely intended 'prefer being in Melbourne'. This is a preposition/word choice error; use 'in Melbourne' with 'being' or 'living' to express preference of place.

× The primary reason is about the air pollution in my in my hometown air pollution is extremely serious problem, so I cannot see the views clear Here is here in Melbourne the views are much better.

✓ The primary reason is air pollution in my hometown; it is an extremely serious problem, so I cannot see the views clearly. Here in Melbourne, the views are much better.

Multiple errors: repetition 'in my in my', missing articles, adjective/adverb misuse ('clear' should be adverb 'clearly'), punctuation and sentence boundary issues. Correct by splitting into sentences, adding articles ('an extremely serious problem'), and using 'clearly' (adverb) to modify 'see'. Also add comma after 'Here in Melbourne' for clarity.