Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify vocabulary and avoid mistakes: the student said “pills” instead of “places” or “scenes.” Use a clear topic sentence and one or two supporting details, with linking words for coherence. Keep answers within 3–4 short sentences and vary vocabulary (e.g., scenes, landscapes, moments).

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different scenes. When I visit new places, I always take a photo so I can remember the moment later. This helps me recall the atmosphere and the people I met, which makes me happy.

提案: Make the preference clearer and reduce repetition: begin with a direct statement of preference, then give specific reasons using linking words (for example, because, and, also). Avoid repeating words like “plants” and use more precise vocabulary (e.g., fields, woodlands, rivers).

例: I prefer rural views to urban ones because there is more natural variety. For example, I like wide fields, rivers where people fish, and small garden paths. Also, the peaceful atmosphere in the countryside is more relaxing than busy city streets.

提案: Organize ideas logically and avoid filler words: start with a clear opinion, provide two specific supporting points, and conclude briefly. Replace vague phrases like “natural varieties” with concrete examples (mountains, forests, coastlines). Remove hesitation words (uh) and correct grammar (e.g., “remains more beautiful”).

例: I think my country is more beautiful because it has diverse landscapes such as mountains, forests, and coastlines, and even a variety of seasonal changes. However, many areas lack maintenance, so some natural sites are neglected. As a result, scenery in other countries sometimes appears better kept than ours.

× Yes, I like taking pictures of different types of pills.

✓ Yes, I like taking pictures of different types of places.

The student used 'pills' which is likely a word choice error; 'places' fits the context. This is an adjective/noun selection issue where the noun does not match the intended meaning. Suggestion: choose nouns that match context and double-check similar-sounding words (pills vs places).

× However, when I go in new places I always capture a photo and next time when I see the picture then I can recall the memory.

✓ However, when I go to new places I always take a photo, and the next time I see the picture I can recall the memory.

Errors: 'go in new places' should be 'go to new places' (preposition error) and 'capture a photo' is unnatural; use 'take a photo'. Also 'next time when' is wordy; use 'the next time'. Suggestions: use correct prepositions with 'go' and prefer common collocations like 'take a photo'. Remove redundant words to improve fluency.

× I always prefer views of rural areas then urban areas.

✓ I always prefer views of rural areas to urban areas.

Use 'prefer A to B' not 'prefer A then B'. This is a preposition/idiom error. Suggestion: memorize the common structure 'prefer X to Y'.

× That is because I think so many varieties are available in rural areas like gardens, various types of plants, river fishing, so many plants.

✓ That is because I think many varieties are available in rural areas, such as gardens, different types of plants, and river fishing.

Problems: 'so many varieties' is awkward; 'such as' is better than 'like' when listing examples. Repetition 'so many plants' redundant. Use parallel structure in lists and correct conjunctions/phrasing. Suggestion: use 'such as' for examples and avoid repetition.

× Actually, our country is more beautiful.

✓ Actually, my country is more beautiful.

If the student speaks about their own country, 'my country' is more natural than 'our country' here. 'Our' implies a group including the listener. Suggestion: choose pronoun matching speaker's perspective.

× There are so many natural varieties in our country, including six seasons.

✓ There is so much natural variety in my country, including six seasons.

'Varieties' is count noun misuse; 'variety' as an uncountable noun fits. Also align pronoun to 'my country'. Suggestion: use 'much' with uncountable noun and singular 'variety'.

× But the problem is no one is here to maintain it properly.

✓ But the problem is that no one is here to maintain it properly.

Missing conjunction 'that' makes sentence less clear. Use 'that' after 'the problem is' for correct sentence structure. Suggestion: include 'that' to introduce the clause.

× That is why, uh, the beautiful scenery of others continues so beautiful.

✓ That is why the beautiful scenery elsewhere remains so beautiful.

'Of others' is awkward; 'elsewhere' or 'in other places' is natural. 'Continues so beautiful' is ungrammatical; use 'remains so beautiful'. Remove filler 'uh' in formal speech. Suggestion: use 'remains' for state continuation and choose clearer locative expressions.