Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific supporting detail and a brief reason or feeling. Correct minor grammar (e.g., "it's it's memories" → "they are memories" or "it helps me remember"). Use a linking phrase to connect the example.

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing beautiful views, particularly when I travel. For example, when I go to the mountains with friends, I often capture wide panoramic scenes because the dramatic scenery helps me remember the trip and share it with others.

提案: Good structure and clear reasons. Improve fluency by removing hesitations ("Most mostly") and vary vocabulary slightly. Add one concrete sensory detail or brief comparison to strengthen the answer and use a linking word for coherence.

例: I generally prefer rural views because they are calmer and less hectic than cityscapes. For instance, wide mountain vistas with fresh air and quiet help me relax and forget daily worries, whereas urban views often feel crowded and noisy.

提案: Clarify your topic sentence and avoid vague or fragmented remarks. Correct grammar (remove "it's" after a comma) and avoid uncertain phrasing ("you will we can take Tokyo"). Give one specific example with a short explanation of what makes it attractive. Use linking words to make the comparison clear.

例: Generally, I prefer views in other countries because I find more varied landscapes abroad than at home. For example, Tokyo has striking cityscapes with modern architecture and bright night lights that immediately catch the eye, which I find more exciting than the familiar scenes near my house.

× For example, when I go to the mountains with my friends, I always take pictures of the mountains because the scenery is really amazing and it's it's memories.

✓ For example, when I go to the mountains with my friends, I always take pictures of the mountains because the scenery is really amazing and it creates memories.

The original contains a pronoun and phrase error: 'it's it's memories' is ungrammatical and unclear. Replace with 'it creates memories' to use the correct pronoun 'it' referring to the scenery and a proper verb phrase. Suggestion: avoid repeating words and ensure pronouns have clear antecedents.

× Most mostly I prefer rural areas because they are more peaceful and less stressful than cities.

✓ Mostly, I prefer rural areas because they are more peaceful and less stressful than cities.

The sentence had a duplicated adverb ('Most mostly') and adverb placement can be improved by using a single 'Mostly' at the beginning followed by a comma. Suggestion: remove duplication and position sentence adverbs at the start or before the main verb.

× I enjoy wide open views of mountains, which helps me to relax and forget about daily worries.

✓ I enjoy wide-open views of the mountains, which help me to relax and forget about daily worries.

Two issues: compound adjective needs a hyphen ('wide-open'), and the relative clause has a subject-verb agreement problem: 'views' is plural so use 'help' not 'helps'. Also add the definite article 'the' before 'mountains' if referring to specific mountains in context. Suggestion: match verb number to subject and use hyphenation for compound modifiers.

× Generally, I prefer views in other countries because the place where I live, it's not as beautiful as other countries.

✓ Generally, I prefer views in other countries because the place where I live is not as beautiful as those countries.

The original has a comma splice and unclear pronoun reference ('it's' and 'other countries'). Combine clauses properly and replace 'other countries' with 'those countries' to refer back to 'other countries' mentioned earlier. Suggestion: avoid comma splices and ensure pronouns clearly refer to the intended noun.

× For example, you will we can take Tokyo.

✓ For example, we can take Tokyo.

The original mixes modal constructions ('you will we can') creating an ungrammatical phrase. Choose the correct subject and modal: 'we can take Tokyo' is natural when giving an example. Suggestion: keep subject and modal consistent.

× There are very beautiful places and that capture your eyes.

✓ There are very beautiful places that catch your eye.

Use 'that' to introduce a restrictive relative clause without 'and'. Use 'catch your eye' (idiomatic) instead of 'capture your eyes', and use singular 'eye' for the idiom. Suggestion: prefer idiomatic verbs and correct relative clause linkage.