Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, umm), and group similar items. Add one brief specific example to make your answer more vivid.

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views, especially mountains and landscapes because I love the fresh air and open space. For example, last year I took photos of a sunrise over a nearby mountain range, which highlighted the changing colors and made a great composition.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, eliminate hesitations, and organize points with linking words. Mention reasons and a specific example to support your preference.

例: I prefer views in urban areas because I enjoy the variety of modern and historical architecture. For instance, I like visiting city centers where I can photograph both sleek glass skyscrapers and ancient buildings with ornate details, which creates an interesting contrast.

提案: Make a clear comparison and avoid repeating phrases. Use linking words (however, although, also) to clarify differences and give one specific contrasting example between local and foreign views.

例: I enjoy views both in my own country and abroad, but for different reasons. For example, at home I often photograph historic sites and famous malls because I know their stories, whereas when I travel abroad I focus on unique cultural landmarks that I haven’t seen before.

× Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views and I love to photograph, uh, mountains and I love landscapes, fresh air and I also enjoy to take photographs of flowers and beautiful paintings.

✓ Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. I love photographing mountains and landscapes and enjoying the fresh air, and I also enjoy taking photographs of flowers and beautiful paintings.

The sentence contains incorrect verb patterns: 'enjoy to take' is incorrect because 'enjoy' should be followed by the -ing form (gerund). Also 'love to photograph' is acceptable but 'love photographing' is more natural and parallel with 'enjoy taking'. The original sentence is also run-on; break into shorter clauses for clarity. Suggestion: use gerunds after verbs like 'enjoy' and keep parallel structure (e.g., 'enjoy taking', 'love photographing').

× I prefer, uh, views in urban areas. I like umm, umm, malls, shopping malls, umm uh, different types of, uh, buildings structures. I also like umm, uh, ancient buildings and their, uh, unique structures.

✓ I prefer views in urban areas. I like shopping malls and different types of building structures. I also like ancient buildings and their unique architecture.

The original has redundancy and awkward word order ('buildings structures' is incorrect). 'Buildings structures' should be 'building structures' or better 'building architecture'. Fillers like 'umm' interrupt clarity; remove them. For natural English, avoid duplicating 'malls, shopping malls' and use concise nouns. Suggestion: remove fillers, correct noun phrases, and use 'architecture' for 'unique structures'.

× I prefer views in my country as well as another country like in my country when I whenever I get chance to visit umm, historic places or uh, the famous malls or uh, skyscrapers and whenever I go another country, I love views there also.

✓ I prefer views in my country as well as in other countries. In my country, whenever I get the chance to visit historic places, famous malls, or skyscrapers, I enjoy the views, and I also love the views when I visit other countries.

The sentence is run-on, has missing articles ('the chance'), incorrect phrase 'another country' instead of 'other countries', and misplaced words ('when I whenever'). It needs splitting into clear clauses and correct prepositions. Suggestion: use 'other countries', include 'the' in 'the chance', and separate ideas into two coherent sentences.